2.12.10

Take a Deep Breath

A lot has happened since the last words I've posted on here and I think it's time for an update.
I considered posting three different posts, but decided against it. One long post with three different parts. Here we go.


Part One:

I was wrong...
About the whole maroon thing.
The last time I posted, my mind was elsewhere. I was insanely confused and rather hurt. I was trying to find one thing that could be an excuse for me to not have feelings for him.
After I've come up from a psychological fall like that, I've realized how I tend to come up with rash explanations and excuses. It can end up hurting me sometimes, especially when I act on impulses I'm unsure of, which one day I am bound to do. I'm surprised I didn't screw up any chance of being with maroon after what I'd said.
Because in a way, it did sting a bit after what he'd done, but I'm not going to go into that, as simple as it is.
I am in a relationship with him now, I feel obliged to say. 11.21.10

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Part Two:

I've got choreography and music just about coming out of my ears and I think it's great.
The two upcoming events?

  1. Chorus' Christmas performance
It's our annual Christmas concert, but this year, we are throwing in a little more. Along with our regular singing of songs with the middle school, we are also (the high schoolers mainly (and by high schoolers, I mean the ones that are actually at the high school, not the freshman)) performing show choir type thing. There are fifteen songs (all fifteen songs are short and crammed into five sections, meaning there are about three songs in one, if you understand what I'm saying). Each of the chorus teacher's class periods are in different songs. Her first period class - the freshmen - is in three songs. I would only count one though, seeing as everyone is in the last two. That'll be a mess.
Although I do think it's unfair for the freshman to only be in one song (although I'm pretty sure it's two, but no one has taught the rest of the freshman, how the dance goes to that one. I could if she realized we were in it. I think she is considering taking us out of it), I do think we should be in more. Although, I only think it unfair to about the five to ten people that actually want to be in this show choir thing. The rest of the freshmen don't care. They expressed to me two weeks ago when the teacher wasn't there that they really didn't give a shit about what we were doing... which absolutely pisses me off. But whether the freshman are in one or two, makes no difference to me. I am going to be in five or six because of me being in musical theatre. I don't know what I'd do without that class. I would go insane, literally. It would completely drive me up the wall! That's why I am not going to be in chorus first semester next year. I will probably get my health credit first semester and do chorus second semester for show choir, depending on how much I like show choir this year.
But now I am just getting off track. That was for talking about the crap in chorus and our show, not what classes I'm going to be taking....

     2. School House Rock Live!

As of now, it is a complete mess. The people that are in it (and there are a lot) don't really care about it, so there are about twenty-five that are actually trying and going to all the practices. There are about fifteen songs, all from the original School House Rock that most people know from their childhood's (more adults than teens) We started out with fifty-two cast members. It has, as of now, dwindled down to a whopping twenty-seven. It is slowly coming together, though, which is reassuring.

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Part Three:

Drama... again, but this time it isn't as bad as the last.
Of course it involves Cheyenne. There wouldn't be drama if it wasn't for her.
But I am not having anything to do with it.
Adrienne (A) is one of my new best friends... literally. She has pretty much filled the position Sarah had in my life before she went to ASFA. Let me say that no one can ever take Sarah's place, but everyone needs a close friend and that is what Adrienne is now since Sarah currently can't.
Anyway, Cheyenne knows A is one of my friends and that if she talked about me, A would tell me what she said. A told me this and followed it by informing me that she wanted A to tell me what she had said about me so I would "get mad at her and get in a fight with her".
I apologize for being the bigger person and not giving a damn (mind my language) about what people say about me. It just doesn't bother me.
She claims I am trying to 'steal' A from her although I've done no such thing. I don't drag people or say you can be my friend or hers. I have friends who are friends with people I don't like, but that doesn't bother me in the least bit. Just because I have a problem with them doesn't mean they have to.
She also claims I am not as tough as I seem. How that as anything to do with anything, I don't know, but hey, whatever.
Cheyenne thinks every guy that talks to her is flirting with her and that everyone who has ever sat near her likes her.
She told A she thought this about Michael as well. Then A told her he was dating me.
I don't think she gets it.

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But there you go.
I'm sure there will be another update sooner than later.

20.10.10

Psyche not Sike

So maybe I'm confused, psychologically out of whack.
Maybe I was never actually completely over Will. Maybe somewhere, lurking in the back of my head, my love for him still existed. Maybe I'm still a believer that love never dies - true love, that is. Maybe he's creeping his way back and I am continuing to fall.
Maybe everything above shouldn't be maybes. Those are things I am absolutely sure of, but...

Maybe I like Maroon, but not like I loved Will. Could it be that I am trying to replace Will with someone else? How am I thinking this logical? What if I spend time with Maroon and discover that I do like him more than I started out with. I know he's moving in January - another person gone. Shouldn't I not be trying to become attached? I know if I do, and he moves, it's not going to make anything any easier.

"I've just come to this reality this year on how much I try to help other people when in all actuality, I need to be focusing on keeping my own self together. I've got a lot of things going on that I have to try and figure out. I'm psychologically confused, I can't focus on anything at all (even my friends and people not so close to me have noticed a difference. I'm staring into space more often and not absorbing what they say as much as I used to. Similar, but not as severe, to when Will moved at the end of the last school year, although no one witnessed that due to it being the summer) and having a guy seize in front of me in PE today isn't really helping me get a grip on what's going on right now. There are just some things I need to sort out before I can actually go and put myself back together again. Some people might call it self centered, but as much as I feel obliged to help friends when they are going through some things, I am learning that I need to work on myself before others. I know it's something I've got to do. I can't keep pushing it aside and say it will all work out, because for it to work out, I've got to figure out what it is. I'm trying to work out, pick out all the details and figure out what is it that I'm having so much difficulty with and try to solve it. I'm beginning to figure it out and I've got my guess, but I'm not one hundred percent sure, and if what I think it is really is the case, then my solution is beyond me for now."


 I don't know if she still keeps up with this blog or not, but if she is, Amberleigh is the one that helped me learn that helping myself before others can sometimes be the better route, especially when it comes to your own well-being. Thankfully, there isn't drama for me to deal with right now anyway, making it easier on my part. 
But Amberleigh has once again been an uber help to my life and for that, I thank her.

3.10.10

Drama… and not the Class

Well there is just a whole bunch of drama and this love triangle/decagon thing going on at school. This new girl that moved from up north is causing it all of it sadly. She seemed like a really cool person but I began to think otherwise the more I hung out with her. Although I wasn't sure what exactly it was then, something told me she was not going to be a super friend of mine. Maybe if I'd listened and not associated myself with her, none of this would've happened. But it's too late for that now. Something did happen and I'm not too pleased with it.
Grace, Adrienne, and I tried to help her with it. What is she doing? She's flirting with a bunch of guys. Multiple guys. She calls it being friendly but I guess the Northener's friendliness isn't the same as ours cause it's called flirting down here. (In no way am I trying to offend anyone who might be living up north. I've heard of plenty of Northerners who are absolutely amazing. It just so happens that one that moved down here has caused a lot of drama.) Her actions wouldn't be as bad if she didn't have boyfriend who she claims is being overprotective. She is flirting with his best friend AND with the guy I like, who reassuringly expressed to me yesterday doesn't like her at all. She knows I like him, too.
The new girl hates me now and won't listen to me or even be ten feet from me. I don't want to hate her. I don't want to get into a feud with her. I am just trying to help. All three of us are but it is really only me who she is wanting to have nothing to do with. She is just being so obnoxious. I wrote her a note and all three of us signed it. She tore it up, wadded it up, walked over to me, and tapped me on the shoulder, showing me, (she had been outside when she did it) and then chunked it, trying to prove a point I guess. I didn't say or do anything, knowing it wouldn't have done me any good and only make her hate me more (cause the only thing that proved to me was that she had her head stuck too far up her butt to take help from the people trying to help her.)
The guy that I like (maroon) and I aren't going out but as of yesterday when I wrote the note to the girl and revealed her flirting with people specifically Maroon, I revealed to her I liked him. Her
flirting with him kind of offended me. I had the impression he had a crush on me anyway and he keeps making it more apparent which is reassuring... But after my revealing to the new girl, it got out to a variety of my friends which makes me nervous. Somehow, someway, I am always getting caught in drama like this. It happened last year and in seventh grade as well. There has been one big blow of drama every year, but only one big one per year. I am worried that with this one starting so early in the year, there will be more this year. I am honestly trying to not get involved but all the big stuff like this tends to be thrown at me because I guess they think I can help but I was already upset the night before from someone make accusations towards my dad and our team and he had no idea what he was talking about. Needless to say I was not in a mental state to handle the situation correctly.
I am learning to only take tasks I can handle. Sure I enjoy helping people when they are having problems. I have friends that come to me for help all the time and I help them because they are my friends and I care about them. But after a while, you realize no matter how much you want to help, there is always going to he someone who won't accept it. And I, no matter how self centered it may sound, need to handle my own problems before going into something like this. Sure, i didn't really jump into this; I was dragged, but it still stands. So I've pretty much pushed her aside now and as long as she keeps her distance and doesn't try to pull me into anything again, then we'll be fine. I mean I'm gonna go for what makes me happy and I know she's gonna try to get in the way, even with a boyfriend, and I'm not gonna let her do that. I've decided this.
I just needed someone there to help cool me off. Someone that wasn't apart of any of this and yet knew what it felt like to be completely frustrated with someone. And the first person I thought of was Amberleigh. It's nice to know she's there to help even 400 miles away. I don't know what the hell I'd do without her. She's my buddy. I luh her.

My apologies for such a poorly written post, compared to my other ones.

28.9.10

I am Thoroughly Enjoying Musical Theatre

It's all due to pretty much one guy, and it's not the guy that was kind of freaking me out. No, this one is Dederick Anderson and he's amazing, not to mention has a good voice. He's one of the main reasons I enjoy walking into Musical Theatre because I always get a hug from him. Sometimes more. (He gives the best hugs. No lie.)Somehow, he always puts a smile on my face no matter what has happened earlier in the day, which why it's great to have it seventh period, the second to last period of the day. (And eighth period History with Mr. Lewey is always good, pairing it greatly with seventh period to create a fantastic way to end any day.)
People actually know my name. Often times when I walk in, they have to tell the teacher that I am here and instead of saying "The freshman is here", they now say "April is here." It's funny how simple things such as that make the experience that much better. Makes you think of the phrase 'What's in a name?'
We've received our things for the show we are performing as well. It's School House Rock and I have the feeling it's going to be great, although I missed the second practice because no one told me there were schedules or that there was a practice after the chamber choir auditions. The only reason I found out there was a practice was that they worked on the dance to the song Interjections in class the day after and everyone there knew it... except me. Joyful.
But overall, my whole freshman year has been pretty smooth, which is great. I just have the feeling something is going to come up and mess it up for a while. I'll be able to handle it though, because I'm mature enough to know how to.

24.8.10

[Insert Sarcastic Comment Here]

Blogger,I am currently sick of Blogger right now. Not blogging, just Blogger. They periodically make these ''updates'' and it usually they are simple and great. But when they change things around, like where things are located or even taking things out and grouping things together to the extent that you don't know where to find them, would you not be mad as well? I went to edit this dear blog of mine and during so, I noticed that the box under the posts (the star rating and comments)  are white. Why would I want a white box on a black and blue background. So, I searched to find a way to change it. If there was no way, I was simply going to take it off. But, if I can't even find where I put it on, because obviously it's moved, then how am I to go about changing it?
So I guess now I am going to rest my frazzled brain and come back to it later with a calmer state of being. Maybe I will find something on one of our new channels to watch. If not, I'm off to go practice one of the three routines we are learning in musical theatre. Afterwards I will return to working on my secret project. Yes, be curious reader. Be very curious.

oodga yeba!
(Pig Latin translation: good bye!
I think that just gave me the idea to write a post in Pig Latin.
It would be dedicated to the only one in my school who speaks it with me.
Yes. The idea has been bookmarked.)

18.8.10

Never, Never, Never Give Up

I started out musical theatre with hesitance. I'm sure everyone in the expected me to drop out once they saw I was the only freshman, but I wasn't going to let that get in my way. Only one person has really talked to me and I find him rather creepy, but I am not having to worry about it as much because I think I've somehow made it across that I don't really want to have anything to do with him. I have become okay with no one to talk to in that class. They don't despise me anymore and they are actually learning my name instead of calling me The Freshman. I have choreography to learn and don't need to be bothering myself with conversing anyway. Our group is doing the song "Rubberneckin'". I actually enjoy learning the dance. After you start to get it, it's easier. I still have to work on it, but I am enjoying it and trying hard. Maybe they'll see I'm not the small freshman the thought me to be.
I've also joined the drama club with Lizzy, Shevontè and Katy. There are auditions for a play already and I find that great. I love classes that start off swinging instead of slowly progressing to normal activity. Even though, it's not really a class; it's an extracurricular class.
Chorus is going well too, besides the fact that I do believe all the altos lost their minds over the summer and have learned to sing eighth notes like quarter notes and totally ignore rests of any sort, as I learned today as we were put in the hallway to see if we could get it without the help of a teacher. I had to set those girls straight. They might have thought I was rude or something for taking over (cause GOD FORBID someone besides a prep to take control of a situation!) but I'm sure by the time we had to return to the chorus room, they were thankful for my help. And in no way am I trying to brag whatsoever. I'm just simply staying the alto section, save two, has seemed to have lost their marbles.
As for that English project I mentioned in an earlier post, I will now explain.
Our mission was given to us Friday, giving us all weekend to work on it. It was going to be due Tuesday. She told us that we were to recreate a fairy tale. We were to use different characters and settings, but follow the plot. I eagerly began by listing fairy tales to try and decide which one I should use. After I made a list, I narrowed it down to Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, and One Thousand and One Nights. I felt Alice and Wonderland had too many characters and such a complex plot that it would be very difficult to write in a week. My next choice, Peter Pan, was the choice of one my other friends, so I did not want to do that. So, I moved to my last choice: the book similar to Aladdin. I began typing it on my iPod and it went well. Sunday, I emailed myself what I had and transfered it to a word document. It was in Times New Roman, 12 pt, single spaced. It was seven pages long. Monday, she told us she wanted it TNR, 12 pt, and double spaced.
I absolutely hate double spacing documents. It's worse when the text is in large font, makng the space in between the lines larger. It reminds me of a childs book. I just find it obnoxious. It makes it longer than it actually is.
But anyway, she concluded the instructions with saying that she didn't want a short story, but she didn't want it 10-15 pages long either.
Well crap. I knew my seven page story (that was only half way through) was going to be way over 10 pages, especially with double spacing.
Well, I was correct. The seven pages turned to eleven once double spaced. I then condensed what I had. Condensed it all the way to six pages. It was heart breaking. I was so proud of what I had and I had to take out and shorten it. It was not the same at all. I then continued typing. Once I finished the story, I had sixteen pages. With much sadness, I went back to the beginning and began condensing again. I had to take out a lot of dialouge, which I felt had not only added to the story, but helped to develop the characters when it was in there. After getting to the end after condensing, I had twelve pages.
Now I had gotten home at four-thirty because I had a drama club meeting after school. Once I got back, I imediatly began working. I worked non-stop until eleven. So when I ended up with twelve pages, I did not feel like going back and rereading and recondensing everything. So I settled with twelve pages. I felt like a bad person for doing so, but I was tired. So, I turned it in with twelve pages. If she hates me for it or counts off for it, then I'm sorry, but I don't do short stories. Never could. I can't tell a story to someone and it be short. Not writing, at least. And Aladdin is a rather long story, anyway. Those who did Red Riding Hood, Goldilocks, Cinderalla, etc and had two pages, I could understand. But Aladdin for me, in under ten pages, is like asking me to describe what I did in all of my classes in one sentence: very, very hard.

13.8.10

FFC

I am really enjoying this school year. My first period class is chorus, which will always get me in a good mood to start the day, although my voice tends to be weaker in the morning. That's not too good, but I enjoy it. I have geometry second and although Caitlin and Allie are also in that class, due to the seating arrangment, I only have Kristen to assosiate myself with, which is perfectly fine. I then have English, which I am really excited about. The teacher, Mrs. Ozbirn, had commented on my writing by the third day of school, and I do have to say that it was rather exciting. She's given us our first real writing project which I am excited about and will explain in a later publishing of Battle Butterfly.
After I leave third period, I go to Biology. It's a new teacher. He seems like a good teacher when it comes down to it. He teaches well. From biology with Katrina, I then go to PE with her, Jackie, and Michael Nash. We have fun down there. And then off to lunch. Last year I had lunch with two people: Tamira and Lizzy. That was a boring lunch. But there are a ton more people in my lunch this time and it's great. And after first nine weeks, I am going to have fifty minute lunch everyday with all of my other friends, so it's definitely something to look forward to. I then have to leave to get the bus to the highschool for musical theatre with my lonely ninth grade self. It hasn't been as bad since we've started working on coming up with choreography for the songs. Before, it was a little creepy. Then back on the bus for World History at the freshman center with Blake and Allie. I love it.

9.8.10

Fresh Start

Well, I new school year started today and I am still excited about it. I do plan on changing one class, but other than that, it's all good.
I woke up early. I woke up about twenty minutes earlier than I have to. I had my reasons of course. We had to read the book Jane Eyre over the summer. In all honesty, the book is very long and the first half of it is very boring. The last half, however is pretty interesting. If it were just the last 15-20 chapters as the book alone, it would've been an interesting book, but the beginning was so dull that by the time it becomes interesting, I am so full of the thing that I don't care what happens in it anymore and it begins to feel like it keeps dragging on. For those who have to read it who haven't yet, i'm not going to give any details, but Brontë just keeps adding to it to make it last longer and longer.
Well, I didn't get around to finishing it. I ended up having about 10 chapters left unread. So when I woke up early, I was on the Internet reading cliffnotes and summaries of the unread chapters, just in case there was a surprise something or another at school so the teacher could see if you'd read it yet.
After reading up and making last minute preperations, I headed for school, dressed in purple skinnies and a red, white, and blue splatter shirt, completed by a flower bow made out of zippers in my hair, converse that are beginning to show wear below the cuffs of my jeans and a colorfully checkered messenger bag slung over my shoulder. I walked into that school with the determination to start my highschool out right. I was going strive for exelence in every class and subject. I was well prepared for anything. As I entered each of my classes, chorus being the largest class I'm in, there was someone I knew well in all of my classes. That fact stood until I had to take a bus over to my seventh period class: Musical Theatre with Ms. Rockhill at the highschool. I had a hand full of people to associate myself with on the bus on the way over, but I found as I exited the bus and entered the highschool-the large school where the hallways are still unfamiliar to me- that I stood alone. As everyone else aboard the bus headed for French, I discovered that I was the only nineth grader to have musical theatre. Even though I knew little of the highschool's hallways, I knew where there chorus room was and since the class is taught by the chorus teacher, it was obvious that it would be in the same room. I walked in there with as much confendence as I could muster up. The fact of being in a room full of people that had known one another for however many years was slightly nerve racking. But I approached the teacher as she told me to and I told her my name.
Ms. Rockhill has a history with my family. Actually both of my parents had her as a teacher when they were in highschool, and I couldn't imagine them being anything but great in her presence, so I guess that does give me some form of step up. The good thing is is that she remembers them well too, which means they left some form of impression.
But it was very odd walking into that class but the people in there are really nice and seemed to have a few that took interest in having a new member, but not too surprised that it was only one.
In the end, I was proud if myself because I made it back to the bus. The peers that walked off to French didn't make the bus at all, but I am going to have to invest in a watch so that I can keep up with the time, due to the fact that I have to leave five minutes early to get the bus. And seeing as the only clock in the room read 5:10 when I walked in I am going to have to have some sort of personal time keeping machine. Because the teacher can tell me when to go the first few days, but even I would forget about it as the school year progressed and we did mote things. The hard part is finding one that I like. I never can.
So over all, I am very excited about this year and I am going to keep myself in check. It's pretty much part of my college application. And it would look good on the ASFA resume as well, if I convince my parents, that is.

5.8.10

Calming Down

So, I have been getting better, after my complete breakdown. I have friends to thank for a lot of that. I'm sure most of them had no idea what was really going on. They tend to make my day without any explinations of my mental status. They are just like that. The group of them are genuinly happy people and they never fail to put a smile on my face. Which is one reason I can say, "I can't wait for school to start," and mean it. I am going to share classes with a few of my friends and I am going to enjoy the classes as well. Unlike our middle school, you have more controll over what classes you get. Of course you don't always get the one you want, but there are more classes to choose from. One thing I am not too happy about though, is their lack of arts. Photography? Nope. The only writing class they offer is creative writing and journalism. Screen plays? No. They do have chorus and musical theatre, both of which I am taking, and I plan on joining show choir. But other than the singing area, they lack in my interests. I would love to go to ASFA. There are plenty of reasons I should/could go. But the reason for me not going and the reason that my mom stands firm on, is that I'm 'to young to be away.' I'll be fifteen in January. Can a fifteen year old not care for herself? It's not like I am going to be living there alone, either. I would be at home over the summer and winter breaks. Maybe a weekend or two. It's cheaper for me to go there than live at home, even if you base it just on food. I'll get her to listen one day. Maybe she'll consider.

31.7.10

I'm Falling to Pieces

So, yes my fake smiles were there about two weeks ago, when he first broke up with me. I told myself I was fine and put on a fake smile. I supose I began to fool myself, for soon after, I was fine. It only took but three days to actuLly feel normal. Sure, I'd think about him now and again, but I pushed those aside. But in the past day, I've fallen apart again. All the invisible walls I'd built myself in - invisible even to me - came crashing down as a rush of emotion crashed over me. It was no lie to say that I honestly missed him. I cried last night. That was the first time I'd ever really cried over a guy ever. But I did. I let myself slip into that state of weakness where anything or anyone could only hurt you more. A state of vunerability for me. I've found myself thinking of him all the time, and I can't get him out, but I don't try to. I'm not going to lie to myself and say he's just another boy. I'm not going to tell myself to stop feeling the way I do, because I am sure you know as well as I do that you feel the way you do, and if it is a true feeling, then it isn't going to go away.
So maybe I'm sick of covering it up. I'm sick of faking a smile and pretending everything is fine, because in reality, it isn't. I'm through with telling myself it isn't real. Through with saying I can live fine without him. Because the truth is, it was real and it still is real. And although I could live without him, my life would be a mess without.
So here I am again, making wishes at 11:11 like the old days. Maybe someday he can realize that he really did mean the world to me.

25.7.10

[Insert Snazzy Title Here]

I suppose there is a reason for me not having anything to say in a longer while then the normal wait between my posts, which I've found to be longer then they used to be. But then again, my reason isn't very usable if I think about it. My life has been rather busy as I've been babysitting a rambonxious six year old girl Monday through Friday from 9 to 4 for the last six weeks. Hopefully I'll have almost a whole week off this coming week. If she likes the cheer camp then I will only have to babysit her on Monday, giving me a much needed break.
My reason for not posting is not having very interesting things to write about. Sure, I've had a lot of fun with two specific friends recently, but I'm not one to simply post everything I do. "Oh! I went to the Marriot park! I had a lot of fun!" or "I went to Point Mallard! What a blast!" No, I think I'll pass on that. It's not like me. Sure, I did enjoy my time spent with Latosha and Sarah Counts, but that is beside the point, but really, there is no point, other than the fact that I don't do the small posts. Not anymore. When I was foolish and had just made my blog as a fifth grader, I didn't have the skills, patients, or tales/experience to create posts as I do now. Toss up some shorter sentences with less complicated words, add in a few gramatical mistakes and sprinkle in some spelling errors, and you'd recieve something of what I used to be. I would most definitely say I've made progress and I can say that I am proud of my work and everything I write. It's a piece of me, a part of who I am, an expression of what I feel. It's something that I can be proud of. I can say, "I wrote that."

13.7.10

Fake Smiles Return Again

So I'm returning back to my life of fake smiles, because, yeah, you guessed it, he broke up with me. After having no contact with me for 48 hours, he texts me as if nothing had happened, but he wasn't acting the same. Even over text, I could tell something was up. He later told he that he didn't think we should go out. That's the message I woke up to this morning. What a lovely day it's going to be. I question him, asking him why he felt that. And he told me. "I don't want to be a secret to your parents" he says. And that really hurt. Sure, my parents didn't know we were together yet, but I don't tell my parents I'm in a relationship the second I get in one. I wait to make sure it isn't going to last like a week and then have to tell them we aren't. Then would come all the questionings about why and shit. I honestly don't want to put up with that, so yeah I wait a week or two before telling them. Is that really so wrong? When I tried to explain this to him, he said it was too late. Like, wow. You didn't even give it a chance! He said he was sorry, but I find that hard to believe, and I told him that. Although, I don't think that went over with him too well because he didn't reply.
So onto that world of fake smiles that I was so happy to leave before.

11.7.10

I'm a wreck right now

To say the least, I'm not doing so well. Mentally at least. I am worried. Maybe too much, bur still I am. That's me. Sorry for caring.
I trust Rhett. I just thought I would get that out there first thing.
Rhett and I are usually texting all the time. I don't have a phone but I recently got myself an iPod touch and there is an app for that. Whenever I have a wifi connection we are texting.
Yesterday, Saturday, we had planned to go to the skating rink at twelve. He told me as I was leaving the house to go that he couldn't be there at twelve. I quickly replied back that I'd be there if he could make it.
He never did make it there but that isn't what I am worried about. That's just a pre-story.
He sent me that text at 11:30. I got home around 5:30. I messaged him when I got home. He never replied. I sent another one an hour later and then again before I went to sleep. No reply. It's now 10:45 the next day and I still haven't heard from him. Yes, this bothers me. I'm out of the know. I'm worried. It's been almost 24 hours. I was up till 1 am worrying. This morning I had to make my mom believe I was physically sick because I could never explain to her how I am so messed up about this. I wasn't fit for going out in public. I didn't have the will power to put on a fake smile. I convinced her. So for the last four hours, I've been dozing in and out of sleep. Sleep is the only place I can really escape to. I guess not being able to dream does have it's good sides in times like this.

8.7.10

What a Wonderful World

I find it amazing how well it's been going. Sure I was told we'd be good together from a few people but I didn't think it would be like this. He's better than I thought he was. I've learned so much about him yet none of it's anything bad or anything that bothers me. He's actually a really funny guy, which is a side of him I didn't get to know from soccer. Sure I had the feeling he was, I could see it in him everytime he gave people on the team high fives whenever coach would call out his name to play his next possistion before the game or during half time, weather it be defending our goal or helping put the ball In the other team's goal. He keeps it real but plays around at the same time. I still can't grasp that he actually likes me. He's the first person I've gone out with that wasn't in the same grade as me. I never had anything against it, although it did frighten me slightly when they are years apart. Such as a fouteen year old with an eighteen year old. It's rather bothersome to me. Although I know plenty of married people who are years older than that (like 50 and 30) but it isn't the same to me. I think younger aged people should have boundries on the people they allow themselves to date and stick with it. But now I am just running of topic.
I think the only thing I don't like about Rhett is that he goes to a different school, which might I add is in no way wrong. Of course things would be easier did but that's just a fact of life. Things could always be easier but it's when you are able to live with the forces that you can't change that makes everything worth while.

4.7.10

You make me happy, whether you know it or not

I'm not quite sure how it happened, but it did and I couldn't be happier. He finally came out and asked, after I informed him that I wanted to. It's not a long story, I just don't feeling like going into detail. I guess I do have something to thank Anna for, but not at all what I thought I would. She scared me. I guess I should go ahead and share since I am not a fan of short blog posts and this is all I have to say anyway. Anna was at the party and she watched rather excitedly from the sidelines. Afterwards asking if he'd asked me out. She herself was rather bummed that he didn't. Rhett and I continued to text and still no question. I asked Anna to look into it (aka ask why he hadn't.) She is like that anyway, so in no way would it look suspicious. She told me he had replied with 'it was none of her business' and I had to smile.
The same day, being today, July Fourth, he asks:


Rhett:  Where you at Annas last night
April:  no. i was a home last night 
Rhett:  Ok

I became curious

April:  why?
Rhett:  She kept calling me
April:  hahahaha no i wasn't there
Rhett:  ok she ask me out

I was rather surprised by this finding, but I kept my cool.

April:  really xD what'd you say?
Rhett:  No
April:  i bet she feels sad now
Rhett:  Yeah
April:  im sure she'll live though
Rhett:  Yeah
April:  what would you say if i were to ask you out?
Rhett:  Yes
April:  (:
Rhett:  :) you wanna go out
April:  I'd love to(:

And that's how it happened. That's what completed my Fourth of July before I sat on the deck to watch stranger's fireworks.

1.7.10

Scooby Doo, Where are you

Well still to this day, I'm confused about Yellow. It's mainly me not knowing why. I don't know/understand why he hasn't asked me out. He knows I like him. I know he likes me. I pretty much told him I liked him. I gave him a huge hint and he guessed correctly, and when I asked if it went both ways, he said it did. So, yeah, I have no idea what's going on with it. I've actually got someone working on it though. do you remember Anna Lea from the former post? Well, she told me she'd look into it, and really, she's the only one that really can look into it, without looking suspicious of course. She was there the whole time, so she knows what all is going on.
So hopefully I will have some answers soon, but for now I am just trying to get the Scooby-Doo theme song out of my head after watching three and a half hours of non-stop Scooby-Doo with the 6 year old I babysit.

26.6.10

Yellow...

So I've decided and I'm letting go. I'm letting go of everything he's pulled me into. I'm turning my back to all I thought I had. I'm leaving him behind because I've finally found a reason to move on. Someone that's actually worth everything I thought Will was worth and yet more at the same time. I've had the feeling ever since last year, and it's this year that I've found not only the feelings grew, but I've discovered that the feelings weren't one sided.
His nickname by the few who know of my feelings towards him refer to him as Yellow. Yes, it is a code name. And no, he doesn't know about it. It was given to him by me because of his goalie gloves. He was on my soccer team this season and last season and he played goalie one half and wing the other half. He is amazing at both, although he claims I can't score on him.... But you know, whatever. His goalie gloves, well two of the fingers, are yellow on the back, giving him the nick-name, by me, of Yellow. I find it clever, but you know, that could just be me.
There was a swim party for the soccer players yesterday, and he made it apparent that he liked me. Sarah and Lizzy were out of town and Grace was 'too tired' to go, so he was the only one I could hang out with even if I didn't like him like that. But I am kind of glad they weren't there, not to be mean to any of you guys, it would've been weird because obviously I would have wanted to hang out with him, as I could hang with my best friends almost anyother time. On the lower side, I did get to thoroughly meet his little brother due to the fact that he wouldn't leave for the whole two hours of the party with the exception of one or two five minute breaks, and at the end when his dad told his brother to leave us alone whem there was about fifteen minutes left. The first thing his brother ever said to me, though, (in the first five minutes of him being there) was "Do you think I'm annoying?" In which case I replied with a simple, "I don't even know you." Ten minutes later I would've done just about anything to get him to go away (I came close to punching him a few times) because it turned out he was very annoying. But all in all, it was a happy ending, even though it could've been much, much better, I'm fine with it. Just the fact that I am now fully aware (I had the feeling starting from about our third soccer game this season) that it's mutual is honestly a blessing. Literally twice a day, at 11:11, I would wish that I knew. And now I do. Anna Lea, a girl thatI knew before she was on my soccer team, but has become a closer friend due to a lot of recent happenings was there watching. Yeah, it was kind of weird, but I didn't really mind. She asked me if he'd asked me out after he left, and after I told her he hadn't, she assured me that he would. I believe her because she's not one to lie about that kind of stuff. I did find it knd of weird though that she became so excited about the whole thing. She had talked to him while I was there and was embarised when she realized she was talking loud enough for me to hear what she was asking and began to talk softer, but she talked to me later when he wasn't there and asked if I liked him. When I replied yes, her eyes lit up as if it was the most amazing thing in the world. It was kind of cute, but anyways...

24.6.10

Bumps in the Road

Right now, everything is really confusing. Yes, I am once again posting about him. There's nothing else on my mind. I'd honestly like to tell myself that I am over him and that there is no point in him being there. Every time I get close, I'd fall right back down. It's hard and I really don't know which way I want to go. Should I let go? Should I fall into him or should I hold on. Should I charge forward? He's been my everything since last August, almost a year. I don't want to loose him, but he's not here. And now, I'm stuck in the middle. I'll find my way. I'll decide. But for now, I'll hang on right here, in the middle.

20.6.10

I'm a Firm Believer In Knowing the English Language

Yes, I live in North America. I'm one of those people who believe if you live in the United States, you should speak the language. Whether it's official or not, English is the language we speak here, and I believe people should really learn it. And I'm not speaking of foreigners migrating over and learning it, although if you move anywhere, I think you should learn the language. No, in this case I'm talking about born and raised Americans not knowing their own language. Yes, they know it, but they do not use it correctly. They use words that aren't supposed to be there. Well and good are NOT synonyms, people! There was a lady sitting behind be in church this morning and I really wanted to turn around and slap her while screaming that and other corrections in her face. I find it even worse when I public speaker uses them incorrectly. A news caster messed it up. Honestly, you'd think they'd be smart enough. If you can tell what the weather is going to be like next week, can you not have the correct knowledge on how to speak correctly? It isn't like you didn't take it at least 13 years of your life, more if you took it in college as well. It's insane and it honestly depresses me. I'm not going to say I'm perfect in the language, but when you can correct adults and graduates on their language, something's got to be up.

Go!Away!

I'm really all confused as of right now. I told myself I wouldn't post about him again, telling myself he's out of my life and there's really no point in him being there. But he found a way back, how I'm still not quite sure of. And right now, I'm not sure if I want to lock him out or give into him. I know the right thing to do. I know I can, but I don't know if I want to. He's always there even when I don't want him to be. It's really a pain in the ass. I'm not going to go on because I honestly don't feel like it.

15.6.10

I'm Almost Afraid to Watch Movies

I've found myself wanting. I've found myself yearning to find. I want it to come I want to fall for it - all of it - and not have to worry about lies or being hurt. I want to be swept away from everything else, the drama, the frustration, the past. I want to find that. perfect. one.
And whenever I watch a movie or read a book with a guy I'd find to be amazing, I only want to find it more and it almost depresses me that it seems like no guy is relatively close to that kind of amazing, not around here at least. To me, all the great guys exist in movies and books. Fictional characters. They're everything you want because everything about them has been given to them. One example that I believe is a great role-model for the perfect guy: Ray Singh from The Lovely Bones.
And what annoys me is the first thing a lot of people ask is 'Is he cute/hot?' I'm sure you've told someone of a crush before and if they don't know that person, they'll most likely ask if he's cute. Not 'Is he nice?' Not 'Is he funny?' None of that. Eight out of ten of my friends would ask for the make and model before personality. I say eight out of ten because I can think of one (maybe two) that wouldn't ask that first off.
I would say I have a higher tolerancy for guys than a lot of my friends. A decent looking guy is absolutely fine with me. I'm not one of the people that go around looking for a hot guy because I-can-only-be-seen-in-public-with-him-if-he's-hot-and-makes-my-friends-jealous kind of girl. I'm not going to lie to you and say looks don't matter because honestly they do to an extent. I'd say ninety-five percent of people would find themselves being less attracted to a guy that isn't as good-looking than a 'cuter' guy, but honestly, if they're at least decent, then that's a start for me. Really, what I consider cute, many (not all) of my friends would consider decent or average. (That's why I keep my mouth shut while we are out at the mall or somewhere. I'll let them say who's cute and just nod and smile.) Really, the guy I am into right now, I consider to be really cute. I don't tell my friends that when they ask though, because it all depends on waht they consider cute becasue I am fully aware of my wider ranger af tolerancy.
I just want to find him already, whoever he is. I'd like to fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. I don't want to have to worry anymore and finding that one guy would do that all.

14.6.10

Running Around With First Graders is Always Exciting

It honestly kills me how people - whether they get volunteered into it or volunteer themselves - act like they don't want to be there. It usually happens that a someone - usually a teen, surprise - get volunteered by their parents to help out with something.
Well, I participate in a VBS at our sister church. (There are two Catholic churches around here, one where I live and one about fifteen minutes away in a neighboring town, which I call our "sister church") I know people that go to both churches and since the one I go to doesn't have a Vacation Bible School (VBS) I help out at our Sister Church's VBS. Everyone helping there is a volunteer. It just bugs me that teens will volunteer or be volunteer and then act as if they don't want to be there. Honestly, even if you don't want to be there, act like you do. I promise you, you'll have a lot more fun. I started last year like that and I didn't like it. I made sure to start this year correctly and I'm having a lot of fun with it. I've met new people, made new friends - a guy going into ninth like me and a girl going into tenth.


Check out the Photographs tab. It's been updated.

11.6.10

Maybe I, too, Need a Scam Protection System

"It's been a long time since someone like you has made me ponder my own direction to include you in. I'm so ashamed"

If you read the blog KitDKat or The Daily Musician, then you may have noticed our names coming up in each other's blog on all the smae topic. It's one thing that conects the three of at the same time. If anything in the world, I would change that. Could we not be connected, the three of us, in a different way? Long story short, we were lied to by the same guy who each of us loved. Although, Katrina says she knew, Amberleigh and I discovered through each other, which I believed made us stronger. I personally believed every word and fell for false impressions. It's not something to be proud of. I made him a priority in my life while he made me an option in his. But then again, I feel we all were just options in his eyes. He had us wrapped around his fingers and we held on. As much as I'd like to say I've moved on, as he is no longer even in the same state, I still find myself thinking of him, my mind wandering off, remembering the way things used to be, and in the end, wondering how much of it was real. How many lies ran through your lip, because there is no doubt in how many I believed. I never concidered myself a niave kind of person, but I fell for all of it. And then it goes on to wonder how you could live with that. Live that way. Does it not even cross your mind that you've hurt people who honestly cared for you, who thought they knew you? It might just be me, but it seems to me you don't.

10.6.10

Il est maintenant à son tour

I've premièred friends' blogs on here before, and I would like to update that now. There are actually a few I need to add to the list, but I am only going to post one here, because this person currently means a lot to me and it seems our blogs are only bringing us closer together. I have that to thank you for, Blogger.

The Daily Musician
This is Amberleigh, also previously referred to as AJ.  She was in my science class in the seventh grade. I feel if it wasn't for her being in that class, we wouldn't be friends at all. We'd probably know of each other, but not really know each other. So thank you, Mrs. Waddell's science class. We've known each other for two years, now, and a lot has happened within them. We have had our ups and downs all the way through. It's almost unbelievable how much we've gone through. One way or another, there has always been tension between us like gasoline, waiting for the right thing to set it off. We would get over it, claiming everything was okay, but it honestly wasn't. We were just able to stand each other. But it wasn't until recently when we really bonded. She has moved away to Indiana and as I've had my blog, she recently made one herself. She also read mine. In reading each other's posts, I feel, has brought us closer together. She read 'My Uber Long Post of a Check up' and afterwards, we discussed issues brought up in it, discovering the guy we both seemed to love has actually been lying to the both of us-more than either of us would like to believe. He has moved away now too, all three of us in different locations. But also, in reading her blog, it has honestly led me to not only believe, but trust, that she really does love him. That undying love in itself gives me hope, although as of now, I'm not quite sure myself what it gives me hope for, but the hope is there. What I called 'obsessing' was her love, and I fully accept that, now. I feel that I have yet to feel love, but I am not rushing it. All the times I thought were love, I am sure of now were not, and she has proven that to me. For that, I thank you, Amberleigh. Thank you for being a friend I can trust. Thank you for being there with an open ear. Thank you for sharing things with me that I otherwise would not have known of - or the truth of. But most of all, thank you for being you. I love you.

9.6.10

Dearest Dentist,

As I sat in the lobby of the dentist's office the other day, I was privileged to be the only one there for about thirty seconds. Within the next two minutes, almost all the chairs - there were nine chairs - were filled. I took note of the order the chairs were filled, and the results came as no surprise to me. As one by one, teenagers sat down, they took every other chair to start with. Once those are taken, they look at gender or size. If it was a boy walking in, he would probably sit with the guys. I say probably because this has happened everytime I observe, except for the other day when a guy sat next to me to sit at an end chair instead of sitting between two guys that looked close to the same age. A younger child would walk in everyonce in a while with their parents. If their was only one chair with two empty chairs on either side, the parent would take the one farthest away from people and make their child sit beside them next to a stranger. I also noted that almost everyone had their cell phone out either texting or pretending to text. Everyone tried to aviod eye contact, no one looking at anyone else in the room. It was silent and no one made any attempt at conversation. The younger kids, however, would look around quite freely. There was nothing wrong with looking around. There was nothing wrong with talking. Nothing wrong with choosing a seat next to someone instead of having empty chairs on either side of you. Younger ones tend to be more outgoing than the older ones - in theis case, teens. I think it would be better if people were more like younger ones, and not feel akward as you waited not-so-patiently for a dentist to call your name so you can leave the stillness of the room, escape the tenseness.

8.6.10

Who to believe...

Amberleigh, this post is dedicated to you.

All the lies. The small amount of truth. It's hard to tell what's real. What's fake in the world? Who do I believe? Who should I believe?
In a recent post, I acused one of my friends of lying to me. After she mentioned it to me and after we discussed it, I realized that Amberleigh was not the one to blame in any of it, although there was only one thing I blamed her for. I wasn't mad about it anymore, as I can't stay mad at people for more than a few days. I'd forgiven AJ about the lies, but it turns out there was nothing to forgive her for.
I trusted both AJ and Will at that time and after all that happened, I believed Will more than her, whilst it should have been the other way around. Will has lied to me before and I should have realized that sooner. It's too late for all that now, but the fact of the matter is that I trust AJ more than Will. Her moving has given me this eery feeling inside that I'm not too fond of. Like something is missing. A part of me broken away now with her. I miss her, as I am sure she misses all of her friends here. I don't have a lot of really close friends, but she was one of them. That and the fact that my best friend since fifth grade is going away to ASFA next year, is going to make my freshman year very lonely. Sure, there will be Amaryst and Caitlin and Katrina and Lizzy and te rest of them, but I won't be able to walk into the school in the morning before class starts and be able to see Amberleigh and Sarah sitting on the fifth bleacher with Will, Blake, and the rest of them. It won't be the same, and I am dreading that. They were the two people I could talk to, about anything. They were a comfort to me and I'd like to think that I was there for them as much as they were there for me.
No more hugs from Sarah as we walk to class together. No more hearing Amberleigh burst into laughter at the Friday lunch table. No more poking Sarah and hearing her yelp in surprise. No more seeing the look of total confusioon on Amberleigh's face - that she and I both found ourselves doing every once in a while - that I learned to love.
It's all gone. It ended at the end of this school year and it all just now clicked. Three important people in my life and school-life weren't going to be seen.

6.6.10

My Favorite Song Changes Constantly

Well I'm in love with a new song. It's a Hellogoodbye song. I've known about it for a while, but it was recently really listened to. The words mean a lot, and I know exactly what he means bye everything stated in the song.

Here are the lyrics. If you want to listen to the song, it's the third song on the playlist to the right. ((If you aren't hearing music about now, your computer is slow, your volume is down, or you've already found and paused the song "Dressed up to Undress" by Breathe Carolina.))

Dear Jamie I've got a letter I would like to send
It's lacking strings of words with punctuation at the end.
Should I trust this dialect?
To convey the right effect?

Dear Jamie I've got some things I'd like to set in pen
I would have used a pencil but lead's just not permanent.
Should I trust my printer's ink?
To express the things I think?


Every page I tried my best to think of something to contest
With inside jokes and all the folks could have much more to say


Dear Jamie this envelope will represent my heart
I'll seal it, send it off and wish it luck with its depart.
This stamp will be every action that carry my affection
Across the air and land and sea
Should I trust the postage due?
To deliver my heart to you?

Every page I tried my best to think of something to contest
With inside jokes and other folks who have much more to say


Every page I tried my best to think of something to contest
With inside jokes and other folks who have much more to say

Give you all I can
Flower and a hand
I hope this helps you see
Signed Sincerely me

5.6.10

The More the Merrier, Correct?

I find it amazing how so many of my close friends have miraculously made a blog. Now, my closest friends, minus Latosha, have a blog. They are all previewed to the right. Each of them has their own slot. Each of them are great in their own form or fashion.

Canderland
This blog belongs to Caitlin aka Cander. She's been my amazing friend ever since kindergarten. It's almost a surprise she's been able to put up with me all these years. It'll be 10 years knowing each other once this up-coming school year begins. The sad thing is, I don't even remember meeting her. I can only remember playing on the playground, acting like it was a ship as we sailed to far off places, or i the gym as we pretended to dig up dinosaur bones because we were archeologists.

AMP up Your Life
That's right! AMP it up! This blog also belongs to a long-time friend of mine. Oh, Amaryst and I were friends together with Caitlin before she had to up and move to a different school. I didn't see her for another five years, but when we ended up in school together once again in seventh grade, nothing had changed. We were still insane people who just so happened to be best friends.

Everybody's Mad Here
This pinkish blog belongs to a friend of mine referred to as Lizzy, to her mother's dismay - yes, it is the shortened form of Elizabeth. We've been friends since the start of seventh grade. It seems like yesterday I was introduced to her. If I recall correctly, it was a rough start, but she's a close friend of mine now. I've found myself going to her to talk to when I don't know who else to go to. It comforting. I know she can keep secrets, and I appreciate that.

This Blog is Called
This blog-in-the-making belongs to a guy I know as Davis. He's a recent friend, though. I've known him for about a month. He was close friends with many of my friends, so I decided I'd get to know him - that and the fact that Latosha wouldn't shut up about him. He's insane, but that fits right in with us. I really don't have a lot to put here due to the fact that we haven't know each other very long, but hopefully that'll change as the future months go by.


So those are my friends, at least the ones that currently have an active blog. Go check them out! They are all amazing.

4.6.10

My Uber Long Post of A Check up

Lately my life has been full of surprises, some good, some okay, and some a mixture of emotions.
It just so turns out Will, aka ex-boyfriend and the one that was threatened to be killed, actually still liked me. Which means the break up we had had was kind of for nothing. I discovered this after giving him a note I'd written him before I found out he wasn't actually going to die... because the fight was called off. I gave it to him anyway. I felt obliged to...
Will land I continued to pass notes, which, obviously, didn't go over so well with the overprotective girlfriend of his, Amberleigh. [[here forth referred to as AJ]] You see, AJ is overly obsessed with Will and it's quite obnoxious. She's been obsessed with him since he moved here the winter of 2008. They've gone out multiple times, starting the summer after he moved here. They went out twice. He was then in a relationship with moi until The start of January.
The story behind that is a rather sad one. AJ, always obsessed, lied to me about him liking someone else. I broke up with him and AJ had him for herself. She still hasn't apologized for that, and I actually don't want her to. I know she's not sorry. Why would she be? It meant she got another chance with him. The following months, they went in and out of relationships left and right. I didn't keep up. I had no desire to. I was focused more on keeping my grades decent than trying to keep up with their dramatic lifestyles.
AJ discovered she was moving, and Will, wanting to make her happy before she moved, agreed to go back out with her, breaking up with my cousin, which he'd gone out with before, to do so.
So now your caught up to what I was speaking of before.
Although I wanted it to be nothing, it wasn't, now that I look at it. AJ was paranoid about the whole thing, starting the first day-a Monday. Throughout the week we passed each other notes, AJ got more upset, Will grew apart from AJ, who was desperately clinging on, and I fell more in love. I tried not to make it sound like I wanted him to be with me, but it was hard. I wanted him to be happy. He wasn't happy with AJ. But even when it was apparent Will didn't feel the same, AJ was overly joyed when she was 'with' Will. I didn't want to hurt her. I'd been mad at her before and I know she's been mad at me. We've been in and out of friendships, so I didn't want her to leave in a bad tone.
Either way, i couldn't change Will's decision.
Wednesday of that same week, AJ confronted me at my locker, after I wrote her a lovely note including the words 'You have nothing to worry about. [[between me and will]] Will doesn't cheat. If you don't know that, you don't know him.' Obviously she was a little upset about my slightly harsh words. She old me it wasn't him she was worried about. It was me. She was worried I was taking him. At the time, I didn't think I was. For Will had told me moments ago that he was going to break up with AJ when she moved. I told her she had nothing to worry about.
I see now that she did.
The next day Will told me in writing that he was going to break up with AJ. I was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. I had the feeling she was going to push it onto me, make me seem like the culprit. Her the victim. I wanting to tell him not to. To wait till she did move, but the small part of me that was glad about his choice, held me back. I let him.
We were together the next day and I discovered Will was moving too. At the end of the school year. He promised me this time it was for real. I didn't doubt him. His parents had threatened to move multiple times, but never really did. I guessed they really would this time.
Although I was blind at the time, I see now why Will broke up with Aj sooner than planned.
He wanted to be with me before he left. And AJ was moving after he was.
We lasted two weeks. Till the end of school. It ended two days before exams started.
I was shaken up about it at first, but I've calmed down now. Two days was it for my sadness and then it was gone. It's hard to say. Is it okay for me to mourn for such a short time?  I even like someone else, now. I've liked him for about a year. He was on my soccer team last season, and this season. It ended [[the season]] last Saturday, so I'll only get to see him one more time before next year. He might not even be on my team next year. He goes to a different school. Its kind of sad. I don't know if he likes me or not but everyday, at 11:11, in the morning and at night, I wish I knew. I wish I could tell him. Maybe when June 10th comes around, the day of the end of the year party, aka possibly the last time I see him, maybe a miracle will happen.

It is actually a relief for me that AJ moved. It subtracts a lot of drama from my life.  And the fact that Will not only moved, but moved in the opposite direction, relieves even more drama.

14.5.10

Talent Show '10

Every year, at school we have a talent show. In past posts, I've mentioned different song possibilities, but I ended up singing Right Here Waiting by Richard Marx.
And it just so happens you can see it for yourself. Yes you can!
My generous father [[if you can call him that -winkwink-]] uploaded the video he took of me to Youtube.

Click here to view

30.4.10

If it Weren't for Bad Luck , I'd Have no Luck at All.

Although the weeks before this have been quite bliss, this week has been full of a mixture of surprising and depressing happenings.
Monday, I woke up with a sore throat. Thinking it was just some morning crap, I ignored it and went on with my life. The P.E. intern threatened to give write me up as well, though that was my doing. Coach Stanford - needless to say - irritates me a lot. Shoot, I'm sure a group of the girls in our P.E. class could sue him. He slapped me...bent Abby's finger back... and those are just things in our period. But anyways, the reason for my almost ISS, was that - for some reason - he believes I hate him. Hate wouldn't be the word I would choose, but it's somewhere around there. After pestering and bugging me and continuously asking why I don't like him, I finally told him upfront, "Because you're a d...idiot!", after which he pestered me on how he could write me up for calling a teacher an idiot. I had had to watch my mouth because I'd almost called him a douche. I don't think that would've mauled over quite as well. He finally gave up me saying, "I like your style. You don't care what other people think", before walking off to go bug Abby some more. To add onto that, we also had a soccer game that day at six, but I didn't know that at the time. So when my dad came home from work at 5:20 and asked us if we were ready to go, I was slightly confused. We held the opposing team out in the first half, but the "All players play [[at least 50% of the game]]" philosophy that AYSO established messed up my fathers game strategy when Lizzy and V showed up at half time. Obviously he had to play them the entire second half. Which, if he could've decided otherwise, was not the choice he would have taken.
Tuesday, I woke once again with a sore throat, though this time slightly worse then yesterday's. I hoped it would go away by the next day for the talent show additions. It was a calm day at school, thank goodness, for I was in no mood for Coach Stanford's mess. We got home late, so last minute I had to get my dad to download the song I  needed to have in order for the additions the next day. The song is "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx. I'd heard the song a long time ago. It seemed like a lifetime ago, but I heard a remake of it by a group called And Then There Were None and I recognized the song, mainly because I found myself recalling the words from my memory, but I have no idea where I'd heard it before. I can imagine myself around the age of six singing along to everything that came on the radio on the way to day-care or the grocery store with my dad. [[My dad has told me before that Jeremy and I, on the way to day-care, would sing the veggie-tale's theme song one hundred percent perfectly.]]
Wednesday the sore throat prevailed. If it wasn't for the additions, i would've checked out of school. I got dizzy in math class and really didn't want to go to the recycling center during science. The bus driver was one I've gotten before. I haven't had a lot of experience with a bunch of different bus drivers and I usually don't remember one from the other, but the one we got that took us to the recycling center was one I could never forget. We'd had him for soccer a few times and the moment you step onto his bus, you smell the cigarette smoke, which I think is ridiculous. Although he drove okay today, when I'd stepped onto his bus to head to soccer practice one day, I swear he swiveled and turned and about drove off the road somewhere around ten times. Although his driving was okay today, his timing was not. We were through with the tour and had to wait by the road for about five minutes because he had stopped at the Bus Barn that happened to be close by. I'm guessing it was to take a smoke. Thankfully the additions went well. I made it through even with the sore throat. I survived that bad luck, but it was I found out later that left me confused. There was a lot of commotion within the chats on facebook with my friends. A lot of information and confusion, some of which untrue.
Thursday I gave in and stayed home from school, not wanting to cause any disturbances in my mom's plant business to have to come pick me up half way through the day. At the end of the day, I found myself in tears. Misunderstandings and the threat losing people I loved overwhelmed me. There was going to be a fight and, talking to the two people on the lower end, I discovered, sadly, that they expected to die. They and I both knew that the others were serious. I tried to talk him out of it, yet nothing I said seemed to help. He seemed pretty ready to die in jail for murder. I found out where it was going to be and that I couldn't be there to help, but I wasn't going to do nothing whilst the ones I love go there and die. So I told the police. I had the feeling they'd end up hating me for it, but I had to. I'd rather have him hate me and be alive then  other things...
Friday I found out the best news I'd heard all week. The guy that wanted to fight my friends, the one who originally wanted to end up in jail for murder, had given in. I guess so many people had pestered him begging him not to kill the person. Then I discovered the person thats life was threatened wasn't going to be able to go anyway, I was relieved. I didn't want him to get hurt at all. That just made it better, although what he told me next made everything else that was going on easier, I'm not going to say what.

So although I did have a rather cruddy week, it got a little better towards the end, thank God.

25.4.10

about time

It's quite surprising how much good has happened in the last week or so. And not specifically applying to myself. Jeremy is now a state champion. Yes, figure that.
He attended a TSA conference with some of his other peers in Tuscaloosa at the  University of Alabama. He said there over 500 different competitions, all having something to do with technology. Jeremy was entered in the memorization event. In this event, the participants have to memorize the TSA creed. It is about six or seven sentences... and they aren't short either. In the first round, everyone entered has to write the creed. To move on to the next round, you have to write it one hundred percent perfect. No pressure, right? Well, among all the people participating in that event, only three made it to the second round. Jeremy happened to be one of them. The next day was the second round, in which they had to recite the creed to be scored. The highest scorer, no duh, won. Jeremy made one mistake, but beat his opponent by one point. Yes, Jeremy had become number one in something... about time....

10.4.10

Lost in my own world

I'd say it's pretty hard to get lost in your own world. Really, if you created it, getting lost in it would be the least of your worries, for with making it comes deciding where each path goes, hence it would be as familiar as the back of your own hand.
I guess it's when you add other people that things can get slightly confusing. For they have their wy of doing things. Their way of thinking. They could alter the path you'd thought you were taking and lead you to somewhere you wouldn't have been without them. Sometimes it can be a good thing, and sometimes not so good. And often, it can become very confusing. As to where you might've choosen a fork in the road and then thought about turning back, only to see the exit was closed. And you'd have to turn back around and head on. Trust me, I know how it can feel, and how difficult it can be, questioning past choices, wanting to go back, and not having the chance to because someone else has decided to travel that road. Even to this day, I want to run back to one particular choice I made about a year ago, though doing so wouldn't be the smartest thing to do. Although, I've been tempted to many times, someone else is traveling that road, and I don't want to interfere. I guess that's one I'll just have to wait and let it run it's own course and pray that someday I can get another chance.

27.3.10

Time to get my mustard and catch-up

I do have to say I am a fan of the new blogger layout. The other ones were beginning to bore me, though I'd like to think I was doing a good job in keeping mine interesting, but that task is a lot easier now, and more enticing if I do say so myself.
Anyways, a lot has gone on since I've posted my last post. [I read over my last posts to see where I was and it felt like I was reading a whole different part of my life. I was friend deprived, but not anymore.] Shoot, we've even begun a-whole-nother year! We've entered the realm of 2010. Oh great....
I had a New Year's party on the first. Do I dare say that was a lot of fun? I think I do. Lots of people came, though not everyone that I wanted. Some where out of town and some simple couldn't make it, but it was still a god time.
I also began role playing again. I role-played before but the site I was on kind of died. I guess you could say all the people went back to school and couldn't find the time to enter their next post. I started role playing again in a different website. It has multiple things to do besides role playing, which is another reason I like it, but the people there aren't very original and their posts are barely worth a dirty sock, so as I was looking for a picture for one of the RPs, I found another website and I do have to say, I enjoy it much more. They have original thread topics and great RPers in general. [of course there will always be those few frayed threads that think they are really something, but you learn to live with them.]
Probably the biggest piece of news out of this post is that my best friend applied and made it into a boarding school. Her and I have always wanted to board, and she got the chance to try to get into one. She went to tryouts and they sent her the letter [at first it was someone else's letter!] of acceptance to a school in Birmingham known as the Alabama School of Fine Arts. Of course, she is entering under the major of creative writing and is probably leaving next year to go for her whole high school years. I am excited for her, but at the same time don't want her to go. Haha she's my best friend. What did you expect?
I am trying to convince my mother to let me apply. The price is totally reasonable and I've wanted to board since God-knows-when. But she says she isn't ready to 'let me go yet.' and that 'I am too young to be away from home.'
Trust me mom, I can make it. The question is can YOU?
Sorry, I get a little worked up over things like that. I guess you could say I'm not a big fan of my mother. She is the slightly over-protective kind of person. She'll wait in the lobby with my friends until the last person shows up and we walk into the theatre. It's rather aggravating... Latosha, Amberleigh, and I  know that well.
But all in all, my life has been rather well. I few falls here and there [such as having a 'friend' commit suicide. I call him a 'friend' because I didn't really know him. He was in the grade below me. I know a lot of people that knew him and were really shook up about it. Finding out he took his life at school on a Tuesday after getting out Monday for three and a half inches of snow [which is a lot here] isn't the greatest way to start the week. Needless to say that was a rough week for everyone, some more than others. Snow isn't very exciting to me anymore.] but over all, it's been good. Exciting stuff has happened too. I don't exactly feel like going into details on everything, but my friends are amazing.