8.12.09

Life Life Isn't That Bad Any More

I walked in today with every expectation that he wouldn't be there because I thought I'd lost all that I had: him. But when I walked in and saw his face, I'd never felt more alive. The gap he'd left open
inside of me was filled once again.
If you didn't gather from the poem, the guy I thought I would never see again was at school.


Kisses in the rain.

7.12.09

Kill me. I might as well be dead anyways.

To put it lightly, today was horrible.
The sadness I'd been feeling since Thursday worsened when I walked into the gym in the morning, hoping the person I might have lost might be there. But, the thought I had all weekend still prevailed. 
I'd lost him. 
He had told me before he left that he would be gone Thursday and Friday and if he wasn't back Monday, Sarah would tell me what had happened.
And since he wasn't there, Sarah told me what he had told her. A seven word excuse that left more questions then there had been to start with.
So after that suckish school day, I had chorus practice afterwards till 4:30. 
The seventh graders don't know the alto notes
or a half not from a rest.
Well. Some of the eighth graders didn't know their alto notes either so it got annoying being surrounded by soprano-note-singing-altos while I am the only one singing the right alto notes. You'd think they'd catch on..... maybe it is just that they are deaf.
Talkative
unprofessional
full of attitude
seventh grade girls
Made the whole after school practice 
a pain in the neck.
All day I had wanted to go home and get on the computer and text the one person I really wanted to talk to. 
I when I tried to explain
all he did was laugh.
So all in all
My Monday sucked more than it usually does.

6.12.09

Possibilities

Last year my planning for the up-coming talent show was - to put it lightly - horrible. I realized when tryouts were 3 days before hand. So I pretty much grabbed a friend and pulled a song together, rushing my dad to record the karaoke version of the Paramore song Born For This because it was now where to be found on Amazon, iTunes, or Limewire. (So we had to record a karaoke version from YouTube). The only practice the two of us got was after school the two days before tryouts. (Then come to find out, the day we came for tryouts wasn't our day, it was someone else's and we were supposed to go the day after... but those people were late so we got to try out with Amaryst there) But it turned out okay... (if we had cordless mic sets and could use the risers in the back, I'd come up with some freakishly awesome choreography - I guess you could say - for it. THAT would've been cool...)
After the show, my dad said next year I should do it solo, but i had already decided that after it was me and my friend's turn at the microphone.
I listen to an online radio called Pandora (stay with me now, I am still on the same topic). You can listen to songs of similar genre and stuff and bookmark songs and artists... Everyday after the concert, all summer, even up to now, if I hear a song I could possibly sing for the up-coming talent show (it is at he end of the school year) then I book-mark it.
I was perusing through iTunes and decided how many songs I can get in karaoke out of the 25 songs I have bookmarked on Pandora. Only one or two came up. The one that stuck out was a song called My Immortal by Evanescene.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

There is another song that I sure a lot of you have heard. It is a fairly popular 
Fireflies by Owl City

You would not beliv your eyes
if 10 thousand fireflies
lit up the world as i fell asleep

cause they fill they open air
and leave tear drops everywhere
you'd think me rude
but i would just stand and stare

I'd like to maek my slef believe
that planet earth turns slowly
its hard to say that I'd rather stay
awake when I'm asleep
because my dreams are never as they seem

Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
from ten thousand lightning bugs
as they try to teach me how to dance

A foxtrot above my head
a sock hop beneath my bed
a disco ball is just hanging by a thread

I'd like to make myself believe
that planet earth turns slowly
it's hard to say that I'd rather stay
awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell

But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams



Two Possibilities.

1.12.09

Almost Like Skipping Class

Scholar's Bowl today was not so great. We had to do some thing that I forget the name of, but it was not fun. Questions were displayed on the over-head projector and we had to answer them and someone entered the answer into the computer and someone read the questions and someone entered the answer from the computer. Oh it was absolute CHAOS.! Everyone was blurting out answers and they weren't all the same answer so you had people screaming "B! B! B!" or "NO IT'S E! CLICK E!" But the Clicker has to listen to the captain because the captain has final word, so whoever the captain was was under a lot of presure. To put it lightly, we did horrible. We only got like 900 points. Last year's group had like a 11 hundred something points. It was mostly the (boy) eighth graders who were acting like complete idiots and calling out random letters when they have no idea what the actual answer is and when they did know the answer, we weren't listening to them because they had called out the wrong answer so many time. It got REALLY annoying. I think our best round was either when Allie Bond was captain, I was clicker, and Sarah K. was reader, or when Chris was leader (and Tanner D. was at computer and I swear was new to using a mouse pad). When he wasn't leader, he said a lot of incorrect answers, but when he was leader and sitting at the same table as Amaryst, Allie, Sarah, and I, he actually listened to the people at that table instead of calling out wrong answers, which was a good choice because a lot of the time, someone at our table new it, but since we were reasonable and not yelling to Timbucktoo to tell the captain that most likely sat a few feet away from you, our answers were unheard, though sometimes they got it right, when they got it wrong, it all very likely that at least one person at our table new it. So when Chris was captain, he heard us and surprisingly listened and gave those answers to the slow-mouse-moving-answer-clicker. And then afterwards... wow... afterwards was awesome. Amaryst and i were writing on our scratch paper and passing it back and forth. Max E. tried to steal it so we wrote a lot of random and awkward things on there because we were going to give it to Max to read and get weirded out about but time ran out and we had to go. We were writing all over that paper. Max wanted to read mine as well, but I wouldn't let him cause mine wasn't used for note passing. It had a passage from one of the books I am writing and I was showing it to Amaryst. I definitely did not want Max to see that. Not knowing what the book was about and having no background knowlege on any of the characters, he would be lost and confused. He would probably think I was writing about somebody and something that actually happened to me, which would be rather hard because the Hannah I know is nothing like the Hannah in the book, the Jorden isn't spelled the same as the Jordan I know, and I don't know a guy named Oliver… I don't even have a gay friend… as far as I know...