15.6.10

I'm Almost Afraid to Watch Movies

I've found myself wanting. I've found myself yearning to find. I want it to come I want to fall for it - all of it - and not have to worry about lies or being hurt. I want to be swept away from everything else, the drama, the frustration, the past. I want to find that. perfect. one.
And whenever I watch a movie or read a book with a guy I'd find to be amazing, I only want to find it more and it almost depresses me that it seems like no guy is relatively close to that kind of amazing, not around here at least. To me, all the great guys exist in movies and books. Fictional characters. They're everything you want because everything about them has been given to them. One example that I believe is a great role-model for the perfect guy: Ray Singh from The Lovely Bones.
And what annoys me is the first thing a lot of people ask is 'Is he cute/hot?' I'm sure you've told someone of a crush before and if they don't know that person, they'll most likely ask if he's cute. Not 'Is he nice?' Not 'Is he funny?' None of that. Eight out of ten of my friends would ask for the make and model before personality. I say eight out of ten because I can think of one (maybe two) that wouldn't ask that first off.
I would say I have a higher tolerancy for guys than a lot of my friends. A decent looking guy is absolutely fine with me. I'm not one of the people that go around looking for a hot guy because I-can-only-be-seen-in-public-with-him-if-he's-hot-and-makes-my-friends-jealous kind of girl. I'm not going to lie to you and say looks don't matter because honestly they do to an extent. I'd say ninety-five percent of people would find themselves being less attracted to a guy that isn't as good-looking than a 'cuter' guy, but honestly, if they're at least decent, then that's a start for me. Really, what I consider cute, many (not all) of my friends would consider decent or average. (That's why I keep my mouth shut while we are out at the mall or somewhere. I'll let them say who's cute and just nod and smile.) Really, the guy I am into right now, I consider to be really cute. I don't tell my friends that when they ask though, because it all depends on waht they consider cute becasue I am fully aware of my wider ranger af tolerancy.
I just want to find him already, whoever he is. I'd like to fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. I don't want to have to worry anymore and finding that one guy would do that all.

5 comments:

  1. Darling, we're only 14... We're just barely starting to figure out some of our own personalities... We're not really ready to fall in love no matter how much we want to or think we want to... Our time'll come soon cuz...
    We just have to be patient(:

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  2. Hahahaa gah you know I love Ray Singh. He's awesome! But yeah I agree with both you and Kat. It would be lovely to fall in love now but we've got to be patient... Sometimes being patient sucks though.

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  3. It does...
    I like Samuel better(:

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  4. Yes, i know. Doesn't stop me though.
    And I like Samuel too, but I fell in love with Ray first

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Battle Butterfly
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