8.6.10

Who to believe...

Amberleigh, this post is dedicated to you.

All the lies. The small amount of truth. It's hard to tell what's real. What's fake in the world? Who do I believe? Who should I believe?
In a recent post, I acused one of my friends of lying to me. After she mentioned it to me and after we discussed it, I realized that Amberleigh was not the one to blame in any of it, although there was only one thing I blamed her for. I wasn't mad about it anymore, as I can't stay mad at people for more than a few days. I'd forgiven AJ about the lies, but it turns out there was nothing to forgive her for.
I trusted both AJ and Will at that time and after all that happened, I believed Will more than her, whilst it should have been the other way around. Will has lied to me before and I should have realized that sooner. It's too late for all that now, but the fact of the matter is that I trust AJ more than Will. Her moving has given me this eery feeling inside that I'm not too fond of. Like something is missing. A part of me broken away now with her. I miss her, as I am sure she misses all of her friends here. I don't have a lot of really close friends, but she was one of them. That and the fact that my best friend since fifth grade is going away to ASFA next year, is going to make my freshman year very lonely. Sure, there will be Amaryst and Caitlin and Katrina and Lizzy and te rest of them, but I won't be able to walk into the school in the morning before class starts and be able to see Amberleigh and Sarah sitting on the fifth bleacher with Will, Blake, and the rest of them. It won't be the same, and I am dreading that. They were the two people I could talk to, about anything. They were a comfort to me and I'd like to think that I was there for them as much as they were there for me.
No more hugs from Sarah as we walk to class together. No more hearing Amberleigh burst into laughter at the Friday lunch table. No more poking Sarah and hearing her yelp in surprise. No more seeing the look of total confusioon on Amberleigh's face - that she and I both found ourselves doing every once in a while - that I learned to love.
It's all gone. It ended at the end of this school year and it all just now clicked. Three important people in my life and school-life weren't going to be seen.

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