21.8.11

Mixing it Up

I am obviously behind on the rest of my narrative about my first day of school at the high school. Between homework and laziness, it keeps getting pushed back farther and farther away. I have started it and I am continuing to work on it until I finally finish it, but in a mix of guilt for procrastinating the end of the other one, and my delay in starting this one, I'm going to dig myself into a deeper hole and give you the beginning to yet another story. I really do need to break this habit of starting and not finishing. Trust me, I am working on it. And it might be another week before I finish one or both of these, but they will get done and I will hopefully not have anything else blogger-worthy until I do so.
So, without me blabbing on any farther, here is the beginning of my next writing project. It isn't much, but I thought I might as well. It's about time I posted about the mixer anyway.





“ ''Excuse me, Miss, but it’s time for me to hit the floor.'' And now this dancing has turn to falling. Words can’t do justice, this (boy) I know.”


He found me by the entrance as we had planned. But instead of going in, I presented him with our notebook and we continued by taking a trip back to his car. It was a small notebook of little to no financial value, but the value it held between us was higher than any notebook I have ever owned. Between its two stiff covers exist pages graced with his words, describing adventurous tales from his summer job or simple terms of endearment; such little things of such great significance. Back and forth, we filled the pages. Our love letters, conveniently in one, small notebook, now safely placed in his car. In return, a flash drive containing vast secrets on illegal projects and information that could put important people behind bars for life.
Rewind. As interesting as that might be, my significant other and I are definitely not secret agents, and if he is a spy, I’m pretty sure the only one he spies on is me... or my house...but then again, that could just be in our imaginations.
With the flash drive – that contained pictures (I could twist this one around too... but I suppose I’ll stick with what actually happened. Yes, disappointment, I know) of the Regency Jr. Idol, a competition that I performed in and he photographed, - tucked securely in my pocket, we made our way towards the entrance together, hands locked. Yes, I was rather scared, but him being there beside me and his hand surrounding mine gave me more than enough courage to envelope myself in such a strange surrounding. Whether it would give me the strength to dance was the next question. Baby-steps, one thing at a time. First things first: entering.
We paid to get in and had a green X placed boldly on the back of our hands as we entered the noisy pavilion. Step one: complete.
No one was dancing yet. It had been all summer since some of these people had seen each other so conversations we expected to be held before almost everyone got into the main part of a mixer: dancing, which happened to be the second step in the process and probably the most difficult for me to reach and maintain.




Apparently, this is where I say:
To be continued

15.8.11

Welcome to Florence


First day of my two thousand eleven school year was completed today. My stomach turns at the mere thought of trying to extract one word or phrase that could describe it. I completed my day having felt an array of emotions at different times, sometimes changing as often as the incorrectly-placed minute hands would move on every clock in the school building. I have to resist the urge to explode and spill everything out in a messy rant. So, I suppose we'll start from the top, wherever I feel that should be.... why not the very beginning, from the first time I grasped some sort of consciousness from my sleep. And I feel like writing more than usual right now, so there's no telling how long this is going to be.

The odd, muffled sound of the cell phone that my brother and I share on emergencies pulled me out of my night's rest. It was a moment before I could realize what it was and a moment longer before I could open my own eyes. The room was still dark. Obviously, I had beaten the sun in rising earlier. I silenced the continuous vibrating coming from the phone, an alarm I’d set to wake me up at this time in the morning. I put it away and quickly replaced it with my iPod, pressing and holding the power button to turn it on. Luckily, it gave me the screen that it needed to be charged before it would do anything. I quickly placed it on my charger, conveniently placed beside my bed, and laid back down, facing the ceiling. It was silent in my house. For all I knew, my mom could still be asleep downstairs. It was understandable, though. Who else had a reason to get up at 5:30, other than myself, obviously? I waited patiently, in silence as my iPod slowly booted up. If there weren’t two other people occupying my room asleep, I might have gone ahead and started my day, but I had to remain there, quiet, stirring as little as possible, as to not wake up my fellow cousins. I tried not to close my eyes, in fear of drifting back off into sleep. My eyes yearned for just a little more time closed, but I had other plans and I didn't want accidental sleep to be the reason I couldn't complete those plans. My iPod finally loaded up and, still in a haze, I entered the familiar password with three quick taps and opened the app I use to text as I slowly gaining a grasp on some sort of alertness. Once it'd completely loaded, I opened the conversation between the person behind my password and myself.
I quickly wished him a good morning and, knowing that, if he’d followed his own plans, he’d already be up, didn’t bother laying back down. Instead, I propped myself up on my shoulder and patiently waited for his reply. Yes, that was my reason for rising earlier than anyone else in my house: to get to talk to him. I haven’t done it for anyone else and I wouldn’t. He’s the only exception.
As time went by and 6:00 rolled nearer, I was becoming anxious to get up and start getting ready. Last year, my mother woke my up at 6:15. Having to leave the house earlier this year and having six more people in the house, I assumed she’d wake me up at six. My aunt came in to wake up one of my cousins to get ready for school and I used her as an excuse for getting up. I went and grabbed the shirt I had decided to wear and the pants I had already retrieved the night before and quickly went and changed in the bathroom. Afterwards, I returned to my room to text him back before I went out to eat breakfast. My mom, not realizing I was already up and at it, walked back to my room, poking her head in. She found me fully dressed, standing beside my bed, tapping away at my iPod. I smiled and wished her a good morning. She returned it and began to turn away. Not getting more than three steps from my room, she turned back around and poked her head in again. Finishing my text, I put it down as she said, "Are you texting?"
“Yes?" I replied.
"Are you texting someone this early in the morning?”
"Yes," I repeated, walking past her and out of my room. I almost mentioned who and the fact that’d he'd been up since 5:15 cause he had to go to the store, but the tone of her voice, especially the second time, cautioned me not to. "Noo!" she said, surprisingly sternly as if I was a three year old who had touched something that could be easily broken. It was weird. I gave her a vague, "okay," but of course, that didn't stop me. I don’t know what her fuss was about. It was six and I was fully dressed. That never happens. It wasn’t like I was behind schedule; I was far ahead.
I went out into the kitchen to indulge myself in (drum roll)... a bowl of cereal. No more wonderful, first-day-of-school breakfasts like we used to have before I got into ninth grade. I don’t blame her for this one, though. Who wants to make scrambled eggs and bacon for five kids? Well, the real question is: ‘who wants to get up that early and prepare that much?’ Even if she had, I probably wouldn’t have eaten very much of it. I was not used to eating that early and I had the feeling I was going to be rather hungry before lunchtime rolled around....
Finishing my preparation for school didn’t take much longer than that. If it wasn’t for my sluggish brother, I could have been out of the door by seven, but Jeremy delayed us till ten after. It’s his fault if there is a bunch of traffic by the time she drops me off first because he didn’t prepare himself fast enough. But I got to school in plenty of time, nonetheless.

I suppose this will be another 'to be continued' post. My eyes hurt from staring at the screen and it's fairly late. So...

To be continued.

12.8.11

Final Friday


Originally, I was going to go straight into talking about how rather excited I am about school starting, but that was before I decided to attend something before then. So, I thought I might as well go in order.
So where am I going before Monday that deserves to be written about?
This little bluebird is attending a mixer: something I never thought I would ever say.
A mixer is a party that the sororities at our school host that mixes all the grades together. It’s like a huge dance party. And I’ve been terrified of them ever since I'd heard of them. Why? Because I have heard of bad things happening at mixers but I didn’t know what was true and what were rumors. I suppose I was just afraid of the unknown. Until Monday of this week, I have been scared to go to one, but Latosha finally convinced me to go to the start-of-school one today. I let in on one condition: Davis’s attendance. I don’t dance on/with people for no reason and I don’t dance ‘on’ people in general. I really do have a level of modesty. I’m not up tight but I have standards and things that I won’t do or won’t associate myself with people that do. I told her that I  won’t be attending any more after one of them goes terribly wrong or becomes ridiculously inappropriate.  It starts in about thirty minutes, but I felt I needed to go ahead and get this in here before hand. Of course, I’ll probably have something to write about it afterwards.
It’s weird not having anything to say about drama. It’s nice at the same time, too. But, it means there will probably be less writing from me. Maybe, maybe not. Depends on school which I'll have to talk  about later, seeing as I  need to exit the house soon.
Gonna go party.
Oh goodness..

5.8.11

Third. Second. First Fridays

My summer literally consists of:

Babysitting
A small vacation
and 
First Fridays

So which of these is my favorite? First Fridays, hands down! It's the only time I get to see my friends most of the summer because of my job. Don't get me wrong, camilla-sitting is a blast, but I live for my friends and my life wouldn't be as insane if they didn't exist.
First Fridays is a function that they have downtown all the way down Court street that happens the first friday of every month. Vendors line the blocked off street selling home-made items from bread (The ginger, bread man) to jewelry, to sock monkeys. Music is provided by local bands and artists on Mobile St. 
So, my ridiculous friends and I always meet at the same place at the same time every first friday and begin our adventure, idly wandering the streets, conversing and trying to keep up with everyone. Where to first? Well, we've pretty much made it tradition to go to Freds. Random, right? of course! But we have too much fun! I'm surprised we haven't gotten kicked out yet. It's always something new because every time we go, there will be a person there that wasn't there the last time or someone not there that was the last time.

Davis is being an Asian spy while Caitlin and I are hiding in the
tissue isle... literally.
"Get your camera ready and get her reaction" -Davis
I think he could pull that off, don't you?
Skipping down the isles
Latosha's showing off.
Epic. Noodle. War. Enough said.
It was July first! We were in a patriotic mood.
What's more patriotic than a parade?
Adrienne bought pudding. Lizzy bought straws.
Why not?

So after we complete our adventure in the great store of Freds, where do we venture to? Why not Wilson park? It isn't a part of First fridays, but it's semi-empty and it's much easier to keep up with our group where there are less people.

Sibling power!
Red ringpop. Blue ringpop. We are purple.
Ask Caitlin, we are master hoola-hoop partners.

When it comes down to it, we really don't pay too much attention to what al goes on at first fridays. It's pretty much just our excuse to go hang out downtown together. We're awesome like that.
So why have I just now thought of sharing this wonderful event? Because today is Friday, the first one in August. This First Friday will be the last one before school starts and I'm completely excited about the beginning of school. I absolutely love my schedule and my friends that fall into that schedule. The only way it could be more perfect is if Davis shared a class with me, but him being in the grade above me makes that rather difficult to obtain. But that's what the five minutes in between class periods are for, duuhh! Yes, I'm excited. Probably more than I should be, but I'm looking forward to our annual musical and show choir and sharing a musical theatre class with some people I adore (that are in my grade this year!) Looks like it's going to be a fantastic sophomore year.

7.7.11

I Love the way You Hold me. In Your Arms I'll Always Be.

Why do I get so behind? I think I've come to the conclusion that I keep up with posts when there is drama going on. I find this ridiculous. Why would I do that? I know I'd like to hear more about the good times than the obnoxious crappy times. So here I go. With what? With a summary (at least the beginning of it) of what's happened since... March? Geeeez.
Okay.
Honestly, I don't want to go back that far.... It'd be the longest post in the history of my blog, which I don't plan on breaking right now. That and the fact that it seems like so long ago. I like seeing the now... a lot more recently than usual, but we'll get there.
So. Last post about my history was Happy Times. And those were happy times, but by March, they rapidly went down hill. Long story short: I didn't receive my hug every day. Shoot, I went weeks in between each. He talked to me a lot less. What did he blame it on? Show choir, of course. But it was just me he couldn't make time for. He had plenty of time to hang out with the girlfriend I found out he had two days after he gained it, through facebook, too. It's almost amusing to think of what might have happened if I didn't find out... hmmm. Anyway.
This is terribly written. I'm out of it. Oh well. Continuing, anyway.
If anyone remembers me mentioning the guy I'm about to talk about next, kudos to you. You obviously have some kind of unrealistic memory seeing as the first and only time I have mentioned him in this blog was about a month after I started talking to him, which was over a year ago. The More the Merrier, Correct? is the name of the post and it only includes me premièring some of my friends' blogs on mine. When I had posted it, he was still working on making it. He did end up posting, but it was only once and it hasn't changed since (so he should go fix that!).
Anyway, the guy I'm referring to is Davis (aka Duhduhduhdavis). That is who that rather long poem is to. Do I expect you to understand everything in there? Not a chance. Knowing each other for a year has lead to some interesting conversations and we have our references. But that poem is our story, pretty much. I stayed up all night writing that poem. (Of course there was another reason to me staying up, but if I tried to explain every reason to every action, I could make a series.)
He was my go-to friend. We each had our turns of one listening while the other let it out. "Keeping my head on straight no matter what had been"
We lost contact around the time school started, but regained it before Thanksgiving break, only to enjoy a Thanksgiving break full of RPing. We're insane together. Lucifer and Aiden would have had many adventures if it hadn't have died.
Sadly, soon after, we lost contact again, but we restarted around the last month or so(?) of school, each of us having some personal difficulties. But we haven't lost contact since. We gained a 'label' after I sent him that poem the first day of summer. Needless to say, it's been one of the best summers yet. He's my blue and I'm his red. "You can't make purple if red doesn't have blue"

"Thank you for making my life the way it is now
If we try, I’m sure we can keep it up somehow
Cause I’m sure we both know I’m completely addicted
And I’d break down and die if you were evicted."



23.6.11

I'm a Vampire

I know I'm in need for a gigantic update once again, but I don't have the time nor energy as of right now. Your update will come, that much I can promise, but to give you a... teaser, I suppose, might be appreciated. So with no hints, clues, or background info, here is your teaser.


I know that we don’t have a label quite yet
But there’s something between us, that much I can bet
The way your smile can trigger mine in return
The way your feelings have always been a concern
It was friendship at first, at the very start
Little did I know then, you’d be gaining my heart
We’d talk for hours, with only a photograph
‘Cause we’d only seen each other like one time and a half
You were important to my well-being, even then
Keeping my head on straight no matter what had been
You gave me opinions when I couldn’t form my own
You comforted me, kept me from being alone
Then summer faded and school time began
Our lack of communication got way out of hand
It’d pick up for a moment, but it wasn’t the same
I didn’t know my twin, and school was to blame
Thanksgiving rolled around, and didn’t we take charge?
Late nights RPing were taken at large
Reconnected a tad, but still not complete
Hearing little from each in the months with no heat.
My life was okay, but something was missing
I had plenty of chores to act, dance and sing
Still I was missing the guy that got me through a lot
Missing the friendship no amount of money could have bought
So contact we gained and from there it went forth
Starting up our friendship of endless, endless worth
Sure, it started out slowly, but soon it was habit
I realized then how well I had it
Through wall posts, skype, texts and all
We’d talk late at night till sleeping would call
But even then, I’d go to bed happy
‘Cause feelings were growing, but not only for me
Still then I wasn’t sure
I hadn’t forgotten him; nor you, her
But after the first Friday spent down town
A new priority, I’d officially found
Our school summaries had the idea included
Without telling the other, we really had clued it
But technology proved to be a lousy alliance
And our nights depended on the faulty appliance
Maybe it just wanted to give us our base
But that’s not an idea I’d like to embrace
Late nights are something we’ve always shared together
And I guess we’d assumed it would last our forever
But even in my nights spent all alone
It’s nice to know, sometime that day I’d flown
Because you lift me up, above cloud nine
And give me these feelings I can’t define 
You can fall and know I would catch you
‘Cause there is no purple if red doesn’t have blue
Thank you for making my life the way it is now
If we try, I’m sure we can keep it up somehow
Cause I’m sure we both know I’m completely addicted
And I’d break down and die if you were evicted.

24.3.11

For One So Small

Yes, I'm behind on updates… severely behind. I had planned on writing all my updates and setting them to say I posted them around the time that the event actually happened.
Well I'm skipping everything because what happened recently pretty much overrides what has happened betweeen now and the last post. You can probably recall the post titled "Sarah Kirch". It was a message I sent to her. I hadn't talked to her or seen her in almost six months and it was driving me insane.
She was the first one to greet me on the first day of my new school, a school Sarah had attended since she was in kindergarten. She was my friend since. She went to Germany during the first semester of our sixth grade year, my second year at the new school, and sadly enough, everyone was honestly okay that she was gone and didn't really want her to come back. Everyone besides me. In doing so, I was cast aside along with her upon her return. (it was a one-classroom-per-grade school) We stuck together though. It was obvious we weren't like the rest there anyway. We has different personalities and outlook than the others. We were always together at school. It continued through eighth grade. No matter what drama we were put through, nothing came in between our friendship. We were pretty much inseparable. She knew everything about me and could tell you what my outfit was the first day of school. She was the first to know about anything andeverything. I didn't think that would ever change, even when she told me she had applied for a private art school two hours away. We had phones, email, Facebook, every way to keep contact. And yet around the beginning of September, our amount of contact dwindled even lower than it had been before: to none.
You realize how valuable your best friends are after you lose them.
So I sent her a message on Facebook. She didn't respond. I knew she read it. One of my friends had asked her about it when I told him she hadn't replied. She had already removed every photo of her that had been taken in the lowly town where she used to reside. All her former pictures were gone. Only ones from her new life at the school existed on her profile.
Later she finally talked to me through Facebook chat. We both knew our friendship had been severely damaged and, as much as I wanted it to return to the way it had been, that scar would always be there. It never would be immaculate as it once had been, but I could try at least.
About two weeks later, with no conversation between us, I posted an old picture of her that I had taken and edited to Facebook. I tagged her in it and in a comment, Sarah asked me not to tag her in things anymore. Two days later, her profile was no longer on Facebook. It said I didn't have access to it. She had blocked me.
I cried that night. I don't remember the last time I had. I got to talk to Latosha about it and she said the same had happened to her, but she wasn't worried about it. I don't know why, I just remember not understanding how she could not be saddened by such a thing.
Well school continued. As it always does. I completely stopped working on her project. I wanted to to some extent but I couldn't muster up the happiness that I wanted it to display. That and I was afraid that if I did finish it and give it to her, it'd end up being like the facebook picture I tagged her in and end up being severely rejected.
I filled my life with other things and people, just like what she had appeared to have done for me. Was it hard, yes. Especially at the beginning. But I survived, obviously.
A bunch of friends of mine decided to meet up down town for what is called 'First Friday'. It's a nice time to get some friends together and just hang out. Enjoy the free music and look at all the hand made items people have made and are selling (even if we end up doing little of that, centering our attentions to each other and their stories). About an hour before I left, one of my friends accidentally told me she was coming. I was scared, honestly. I expected an immense awkwardness between us. I had the feeling she would want nothing to do with me, but since we had some of the same friends, she'd still be there.
She wasn't there when we got there, but after waling around for a while, everyone saw her. I stood on the outskirts with a friend of mine who didn't know her while everyone else bombarded her with hugs and exclamations of joy to see their friend for the first time in ages. I didn't want to look, putting for attention on my camera, flipping through the multitude of pictures I had already taken that night. I glanced up for one second to find her right in front of me. What did she do? She hugged me. She said "We should stop being bitches" and I embraced my best friend.

(I did finish that project. Worked on it when I got home and worked on it for hours at a time to finish about two days later.)

7.2.11

Happy Times

After using a program that displayed the most used words on my blog (other than the common words like the, a, an, or, but, is, were, and, et cetera) I  realized that 'Cheyenne' had been one of my top words, and I was not proud of that. Although there is still stuff with her,  it doesn't necessarily involve me so  there is no reason for me going into it, especially here. She obviously won't change, and I'm accepting that. She's a cheater and a liar and one day it'll come back to her.
So, off the topic of her - hopefully for a long while - show choir season has begun and that's very exciting. Being in musical theatre has payed off for a lot more than just meeting a few new people, but also for being miles ahead of every other little freshman. For a high-schooler to teach us the dances,  one of them has to miss their first period class in order to come to the Freshman Center. So while I  know a lot of the dances from being in musical theatre,  freshman only know one dance. We learned the dance (well, actually, it's only half of the dance) to Soul Man last week (which was a complete wreck! It took them three days to get the dance to two verses and a repeating chorus. (keeping in mind that we still only learned half of it) It was such a simple dance, too.) for our auditions. There is supposed to be a list of everyone who made it by Friday, but I don't know how that is going to go. We are going to learn - well the rest of the freshman are going to learn - the dance to R-O-C-K in the U.S.A., an incredibly easy dance. I might die if these girls and boys have trouble with it. I don't think  some of the freshman realize show choir isn't fun and games. It's loads of fun, but it's work too! Sadly, the dances they know - or will know as of tomorrow - are incredibly easy compared to others we are doing, and you really have to work at it, and I don't think some of them see that.
Meeting Dederick has probably ended up being the highlight of my freshman year. I'd mentioned him once in a former post about musical theatre, but I haven't since then. He is a really sweet guy and still gives the best hugs in the world. We were in School House Rock  together and have been talking more ever since. We talk all the time - sometimes texting up until midnight or later. We aren't dating but Lizzy says we might as well be. I like him, he likes me, and we both know that, but one reason we aren't dating is because we don't see each other very much. We are in musical theatre and that's it. He's a junior, but that doesn't really matter. If you'd met me and then met him, most people wouldn't think about us liking each other, but we do. I was always okay with interracial relationships, but could never picture being in one... and then Dederick came along... no lie. He's black, but he is the whitest black guy anyone could know. Besides his skin being a darker color, he might as well be white. Dederick is just... amazing. Ugh, he makes me happy....
I've also auditioned for a local play. It's the first one I've done and it's Aladdin Jr. There are around five adults in it, my dad being one of them, and at least thirty kids. Lizzy and I both auditioned. Dederick did as well. Lizzy and I both could tell the moment after Dederick finished reading lines for the Genie character, that he could easily get the part because he was the best one that auditioned that day. Of course,  Daniel (shoot me) thought, as he always does, that his was superior. His was one of the worst...
Although Lizzy didn't make it, my brother, my dad and I both made the ensemble and - with no surprise, but much excitement - Dederick was cast for the role of Genie.

17.1.11

Sarah Kirch

"I feel more apart of your past than any part of your future. It could just be the immense lack of communication that has shoved this feeling inside of me, the fact that I haven't seen you in almost half a year, or the dreadful combination of both, but it's there and it haunts me. I feel like I've lost my best friend as she's moved on to a much livelier place than Florence, Alabama, surrounding herself with new places and people, people much cooler than I, making the position I had here easier to fill there. I feel as if I've been forgotten, left behind. I miss being apart of your life and I miss you being the biggest part of mine. 
Shit, now I'm crying. 
I miss you, Sarah, and love you more than... I can't even think of anything closely comparable. There's no one I know that could ever come close to being able to replace you. 
I guess this is what it feels like when you want to be a part of someone who is out of your league. I feel so far away from you."

15.1.11

Oops

I am proud to say I honestly don't care anymore, if you didn't happen to gather that from That's Why Fireflies Flash II. I'm completely done with the whole thing... well not completely. I've still got a few things I've got to do, but you'll hear about that once that has been completed. I'm hoping that those were the last of the aggravating blog posts for a while. 

In other news, we performed School House Rock last weekend which was amazing! 
That reminds me that I had another 'freshman musical theatre exam moment' recently.
And I've just come to realize that I never posted about that. Okay, well, let me fix that.

At the end of the last semester, we had to take exams for every class we were in, no matter what grade we had accumulated over that grading period. Which meant my musical theatre class had an exam as well, but this exam wasn't going to written in any form or fashion. We had to perform in front of the whole class. You could sing, dance or both. You could do it solo, duet, or in a group. Our teacher told us about it on a Monday, to be performed the up-coming Friday or following Monday. The information I had received included the fact that it had to be from a musical. My original plan-a duet with one of the guys in the class-officially fell through on the Wednesday of that week. So Wednesday night, I had to search for a song to do on my own. Disney was my savior. My first thought had been 'Reflections' from the movie Mulan, but upon looking through the top Disney songs, I was reminded of the song 'Part of Your World' from The Little Mermaid. I quickly decided on that song and got everything I needed for it. Our Christmas performance was that Thursday so there wasn't very much practice before-hand. I had to cram the lyrics into my head in two days. I had at least two sheets of paper that I had copied the lyrics onto to try to get them to come to me from memory. And besides, I can't start singing the song in the middle of class to see if I remember them. The song was running through my head non-stop. It was ridiculous, but I was set on nailing this. None of the class had ever really heard me sing before, so I wanted to get it right. 
So Friday comes and after having Adrienne help me on the bus on the way there, I felt prepared and confident that I was gonna nail it. 
Not very many people wanted to go Friday. I think there was only like four or five that went. I was the last one. I was hesitant at first. I had found out that day that it didn't actually have to be from a musical, so I was considering a change in song, but I wanted to get it over with and I'm glad I did because the other song wouldn't have been as good to perform anyway, although it's an amazing song (I Love You 5 by Never Shout Never). I was also hesitant because neither Dederick or the original duet 'idea' partner was there. I decided to go anyway. My adrenaline was going since the moment I stepped into the room. I retrieved my CD right as Dederick and the other guy walked in. 
Now I was completely ready. 
I tell the teacher and everyone else the song I'm singing and everyone smiles, even the teacher. (My dad had her as a chorus teacher (as I do now as well) when he was in high school. Now it was my turn to show her that she had another Hornbuckle to look forward to)
The music starts and I start to sing the song and I could tell, they were surprised. A few of the people who were mouthing the words had stopped to listen. Pretty much everyone was smiling. The teacher, probably the most as she continued to mouth the words. I knew they liked it.
After the song, I was reassured that everyone liked it. After the applause, I was overwhelmed with "Where have you been hiding?" "She (teacher) is gonna be given you all the solos next year!" and the one I heard the most was "I don't know what to say to you." The duet guy said with loads of obvious astonishment in his voice, "I didn't know you could sing like that!" Haha, I know. (I was glad that he didn't do it with me when he sang his. Wow. Not meant to be rude, but no.)
Another guy in the class (who did a gorgeous dance routine on that Monday with Dederick and one of the girls in the class that almost had me at tears) summoned me over to where he was sitting to bombard be with,"Where have you been hiding?" "You've got a gorgeous voice!" "Where did you get that voice?" and some other things that I don't remember. 
Nevertheless, I walked out of there on cloud ten (not nine) not because I'm stuck up and now thought I was better than everyone else, but because for once I actually felt like I could walk into such a talented class and belong. It was such a great feeling. 

I would continue by sharing my more recent event, but I think this post is long enough. Woops.

12.1.11

That's Why Fireflies Flash II

As the end of the year continued, I found more and more information, but the majority came to me on the very last day of the year.
I found out all my information from two people that talked to both me and Cheyenne, though Cheyenne has no idea. She had admitted to one of them that she did in fact like Maroon. When this information was passed onto me, I found it no surprise.
But it was when I found out the entire story that I realized I had been bluntly lied to.
Maroon called Cheyenne the day her and Silver started going out.
Okay, no big deal.
He then called her everyday of the break. Eventually, he told her that he thought he was falling in love with her.
He hardly talked to me or attempted to get ahold of me during the break except for the day he broke up with me. I called him multiple times while I was in Disney. Most of the time it went to voicemail. I left my messages, but I never heard back.
So I guess you can honestly say that he was pretty much avoiding me.
Cheyenne said she wasn't sure if she liked him and that she would have to hang out with him. They did hang out after the 27th, but I don't know how that went.
I did end up talking to Cheyenne. I  hadn't talked to her in forever because, you can guess, I just didn't like her. But I  wanted to talk to her. And although it was a shock to everyone and a disappointment to some, I was going to be nice.
So I pretty much lied to her face when I said:

"In no way do I want you to get upset or mad. I just want to say this. And in no way am I trying to be mean because I don't want to be.
I'm never going to tell you who to date. I've never done that to anyone and I don't plan on it.
I'm not mad anymore. Hurt, yes, but that's no surprise. The guy I loved lied to me and is supposedly now in love with you. He was okay with lying and decieving me after everything we went through. He can lie a deceive anyone he wants to. In no way do I want to be mean or to tell you what to do, but he can do it to you, too just as easily.
I'm trying to be okay with this whole thing, but it is hard. When you love someone, seeing them with anyone else hurts and I am just asking you to understand and respect that. I'm not telling you not to date him. If you want to, fine. Obvioously he likes you enough to lie to me to get to you; I'm just asking you to try to understand what this is on my side."
Asking her to understand that is like asking a brick to turn itself to sand. It can't do it on its own, but with time and some pounding on, it could happen.
We had a short conversation that included me continuing to lie and her saying that whatever we've been through in the past is behind us. Let's just forget about it. I understand. You can talk to me. blahblahblah.fuckmylife.
So she thinks that we're cool now. But we aren't. I still dislike her. I dislike how much she compares to Amberleigh. I love Amberleigh to death, but Cheyenne, gah! She has no good traits!
In our conversation, the fact that Maroon had told me he loved me came up. She questioned this, saying hat Maroon hadn't told her he told me he loved me (when we were dating). I sent her a screen shot of a text that he had sent me saying he loved me-one of the many times he had.
HA! HE'S ALREADY LIED TO YOU, BITCH!

hm..
my apologies.

So, Cheyenne was forbidden by her parents to date him because he had lied to her. Upon her telling Maroon this and that she was going to try to convince them to let her date him, Maroon said he didn't care.
Schadenfreude!


As of two days ago, I hadn't talked to Maroon at all. He randomly greeted me through text message and it ended up a little something like this:

M(him): Hey
A(me): Hey?
M: Why the question mark?
A: You haven't talked to me since you broke up with me. I was slightly surprised at the random greeting.
M: Sorry I've been really stressed out and sick
A: Sure         (like that gave him an excuse not to talk to me!)
M: Ok well I guess you dont wanna talk  I'll leave you alone
A: You can't just randomly text me and leave like that. I was simply saying. What was I supposed to say? That I'm sorry?
M: Sorry for what?
A: That you were sick and stressed.
M: Thanks       (Did I ever apologize? no...?)
A: I'm confused now. Of well. Anyway.
M: Anyway I'm sick and I just wanted to say hello but I'm going to sleep
A: Well hello and I hope you feel better and I guess goodnight.

I know what I am doing. What though, I won't say.
But anyways, what has come out of this?
From the words of a dear friend:

"In our relationship, I was the brains and he was the asshole and that if he walked in front of me on a crosswalk, I would speed up and run him over and that I pray he chokes on a happy meal because if not, Adrienne is going to shove a yellow crayon down his throat."
italics=lie


Beautiful things never last.
That's why fireflies flash.

3.1.11

That's Why Fireflies Flash

Once again, I was hurt by lies. One would probably think it foolish of me to still care for either of them, but I've come to accept that I will always have somekind of feelings towards Will. As for maroon, probably not. Sure,I loved him, but it wasn't quite the same. I'm starting to wonder if anything ever will be.
I had the feeling things between Cheyenne and I would get worse before they got any better. And we've reached the worse, but I'll get to that eventually.
I thought everything was fine between maroon and I. The last day before I got out of school to go off to Disney for four days, I had my P.E. exam. He was in the class as well and having two hours to take the thirty-or-so question exam gave us plenty of time to do nothing. For the majority of it, he was kicking a soccer ball around with his best friend, but for almost an hour, he was with Katrina and I. He would lie down, his head on my lap, fiddling with my fingers. He had made it appear then and everytime before that we really had something and I left for winter break believing that. Maybe we did have something, but it didn't last over break.
Cheyenne was, for the most part, maintaining a state of neutrality with me again, though the tension was still slightly high because of our last incident, but it had simmered down. Cheyenne was having her own boy stuff. We'll name him... silver. Silver liked Cheyenne for a while and when she found out, she, I guess, saw her opportunity and took it. The two of them finally started going out the Friday after we got out for break, with a lot of objections from pretty much everyone else.
On the 27th of December, I find a message on Facebook from Maroon:
"Hey, listen. We need to talk when you get the chance because this isn't working, April. We never talk. I'm sorry. But I don't think we gonna work anymore."
Mind his grammar, I fixed a lot of it.
He had made it sound as if 'we' still had a hope and that I just had to save it and everything would be okay. Wrapped in false illusions and over-reacting emotions, I sent this in reply:
"I need this to work, (Maroon), because I need you. I've never been so happy as I have when I'm around you. Never felt more complete than when you called me baby. You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I meant it when I said I thought we had something and I thought you meant it, too. I believed everything.
But I want you to be happy more than anything. If you think it's not working or just want it not to work, then I'll let go; not just you, but everything we had and everything we could've had.
It's winter break and we just finished Christmas. Of course the amount of communication is going to be lower, but I've texted you everyday; you not texting back most of the time is what's gotten me. I would have called you, but I've been sick and still don't have a voice so it wouldn't have done either us much good if I had.
I love you (Maroon), more than anything and I mean it with everything I've got. I want this to work, so tell me how.
Completely,
April.
Yeah sure, I was shaken up a bit, especially after the text-messaged conversation we had later. Summarized, he told me that he "didn't feel the same way (he) did as when (he) first started talking to (me)" and that he thought we were better off as friends, but that he still loved me and always would.
This drove me up the wall. Not only because it was upsetting, but because none of it, no matter how hard I tried to understand, made any sense. I understand a lot; it's why people come to me for problems, but it was driving me insane that I couldn't understand this.
I had had the feeling Cheyenne had feelings for Maroon, especially after what she'd thought that I displayed at the end of the last post. I just wouldn't accept the possibility of it going both ways. After he broke up with me, I had the feeling Cheyenne would make a move on him.
I just didn't think she already had.

(to be continued)