3.1.11

That's Why Fireflies Flash

Once again, I was hurt by lies. One would probably think it foolish of me to still care for either of them, but I've come to accept that I will always have somekind of feelings towards Will. As for maroon, probably not. Sure,I loved him, but it wasn't quite the same. I'm starting to wonder if anything ever will be.
I had the feeling things between Cheyenne and I would get worse before they got any better. And we've reached the worse, but I'll get to that eventually.
I thought everything was fine between maroon and I. The last day before I got out of school to go off to Disney for four days, I had my P.E. exam. He was in the class as well and having two hours to take the thirty-or-so question exam gave us plenty of time to do nothing. For the majority of it, he was kicking a soccer ball around with his best friend, but for almost an hour, he was with Katrina and I. He would lie down, his head on my lap, fiddling with my fingers. He had made it appear then and everytime before that we really had something and I left for winter break believing that. Maybe we did have something, but it didn't last over break.
Cheyenne was, for the most part, maintaining a state of neutrality with me again, though the tension was still slightly high because of our last incident, but it had simmered down. Cheyenne was having her own boy stuff. We'll name him... silver. Silver liked Cheyenne for a while and when she found out, she, I guess, saw her opportunity and took it. The two of them finally started going out the Friday after we got out for break, with a lot of objections from pretty much everyone else.
On the 27th of December, I find a message on Facebook from Maroon:
"Hey, listen. We need to talk when you get the chance because this isn't working, April. We never talk. I'm sorry. But I don't think we gonna work anymore."
Mind his grammar, I fixed a lot of it.
He had made it sound as if 'we' still had a hope and that I just had to save it and everything would be okay. Wrapped in false illusions and over-reacting emotions, I sent this in reply:
"I need this to work, (Maroon), because I need you. I've never been so happy as I have when I'm around you. Never felt more complete than when you called me baby. You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I meant it when I said I thought we had something and I thought you meant it, too. I believed everything.
But I want you to be happy more than anything. If you think it's not working or just want it not to work, then I'll let go; not just you, but everything we had and everything we could've had.
It's winter break and we just finished Christmas. Of course the amount of communication is going to be lower, but I've texted you everyday; you not texting back most of the time is what's gotten me. I would have called you, but I've been sick and still don't have a voice so it wouldn't have done either us much good if I had.
I love you (Maroon), more than anything and I mean it with everything I've got. I want this to work, so tell me how.
Completely,
April.
Yeah sure, I was shaken up a bit, especially after the text-messaged conversation we had later. Summarized, he told me that he "didn't feel the same way (he) did as when (he) first started talking to (me)" and that he thought we were better off as friends, but that he still loved me and always would.
This drove me up the wall. Not only because it was upsetting, but because none of it, no matter how hard I tried to understand, made any sense. I understand a lot; it's why people come to me for problems, but it was driving me insane that I couldn't understand this.
I had had the feeling Cheyenne had feelings for Maroon, especially after what she'd thought that I displayed at the end of the last post. I just wouldn't accept the possibility of it going both ways. After he broke up with me, I had the feeling Cheyenne would make a move on him.
I just didn't think she already had.

(to be continued)

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Completely,
Battle Butterfly
The writer