24.3.11

For One So Small

Yes, I'm behind on updates… severely behind. I had planned on writing all my updates and setting them to say I posted them around the time that the event actually happened.
Well I'm skipping everything because what happened recently pretty much overrides what has happened betweeen now and the last post. You can probably recall the post titled "Sarah Kirch". It was a message I sent to her. I hadn't talked to her or seen her in almost six months and it was driving me insane.
She was the first one to greet me on the first day of my new school, a school Sarah had attended since she was in kindergarten. She was my friend since. She went to Germany during the first semester of our sixth grade year, my second year at the new school, and sadly enough, everyone was honestly okay that she was gone and didn't really want her to come back. Everyone besides me. In doing so, I was cast aside along with her upon her return. (it was a one-classroom-per-grade school) We stuck together though. It was obvious we weren't like the rest there anyway. We has different personalities and outlook than the others. We were always together at school. It continued through eighth grade. No matter what drama we were put through, nothing came in between our friendship. We were pretty much inseparable. She knew everything about me and could tell you what my outfit was the first day of school. She was the first to know about anything andeverything. I didn't think that would ever change, even when she told me she had applied for a private art school two hours away. We had phones, email, Facebook, every way to keep contact. And yet around the beginning of September, our amount of contact dwindled even lower than it had been before: to none.
You realize how valuable your best friends are after you lose them.
So I sent her a message on Facebook. She didn't respond. I knew she read it. One of my friends had asked her about it when I told him she hadn't replied. She had already removed every photo of her that had been taken in the lowly town where she used to reside. All her former pictures were gone. Only ones from her new life at the school existed on her profile.
Later she finally talked to me through Facebook chat. We both knew our friendship had been severely damaged and, as much as I wanted it to return to the way it had been, that scar would always be there. It never would be immaculate as it once had been, but I could try at least.
About two weeks later, with no conversation between us, I posted an old picture of her that I had taken and edited to Facebook. I tagged her in it and in a comment, Sarah asked me not to tag her in things anymore. Two days later, her profile was no longer on Facebook. It said I didn't have access to it. She had blocked me.
I cried that night. I don't remember the last time I had. I got to talk to Latosha about it and she said the same had happened to her, but she wasn't worried about it. I don't know why, I just remember not understanding how she could not be saddened by such a thing.
Well school continued. As it always does. I completely stopped working on her project. I wanted to to some extent but I couldn't muster up the happiness that I wanted it to display. That and I was afraid that if I did finish it and give it to her, it'd end up being like the facebook picture I tagged her in and end up being severely rejected.
I filled my life with other things and people, just like what she had appeared to have done for me. Was it hard, yes. Especially at the beginning. But I survived, obviously.
A bunch of friends of mine decided to meet up down town for what is called 'First Friday'. It's a nice time to get some friends together and just hang out. Enjoy the free music and look at all the hand made items people have made and are selling (even if we end up doing little of that, centering our attentions to each other and their stories). About an hour before I left, one of my friends accidentally told me she was coming. I was scared, honestly. I expected an immense awkwardness between us. I had the feeling she would want nothing to do with me, but since we had some of the same friends, she'd still be there.
She wasn't there when we got there, but after waling around for a while, everyone saw her. I stood on the outskirts with a friend of mine who didn't know her while everyone else bombarded her with hugs and exclamations of joy to see their friend for the first time in ages. I didn't want to look, putting for attention on my camera, flipping through the multitude of pictures I had already taken that night. I glanced up for one second to find her right in front of me. What did she do? She hugged me. She said "We should stop being bitches" and I embraced my best friend.

(I did finish that project. Worked on it when I got home and worked on it for hours at a time to finish about two days later.)