Maybe I was never actually completely over Will. Maybe somewhere, lurking in the back of my head, my love for him still existed. Maybe I'm still a believer that love never dies - true love, that is. Maybe he's creeping his way back and I am continuing to fall.
Maybe everything above shouldn't be maybes. Those are things I am absolutely sure of, but...
Maybe I like Maroon, but not like I loved Will. Could it be that I am trying to replace Will with someone else? How am I thinking this logical? What if I spend time with Maroon and discover that I do like him more than I started out with. I know he's moving in January - another person gone. Shouldn't I not be trying to become attached? I know if I do, and he moves, it's not going to make anything any easier.
"I've just come to this reality this year on how much I try to help other people when in all actuality, I need to be focusing on keeping my own self together. I've got a lot of things going on that I have to try and figure out. I'm psychologically confused, I can't focus on anything at all (even my friends and people not so close to me have noticed a difference. I'm staring into space more often and not absorbing what they say as much as I used to. Similar, but not as severe, to when Will moved at the end of the last school year, although no one witnessed that due to it being the summer) and having a guy seize in front of me in PE today isn't really helping me get a grip on what's going on right now. There are just some things I need to sort out before I can actually go and put myself back together again. Some people might call it self centered, but as much as I feel obliged to help friends when they are going through some things, I am learning that I need to work on myself before others. I know it's something I've got to do. I can't keep pushing it aside and say it will all work out, because for it to work out, I've got to figure out what it is. I'm trying to work out, pick out all the details and figure out what is it that I'm having so much difficulty with and try to solve it. I'm beginning to figure it out and I've got my guess, but I'm not one hundred percent sure, and if what I think it is really is the case, then my solution is beyond me for now."
I don't know if she still keeps up with this blog or not, but if she is, Amberleigh is the one that helped me learn that helping myself before others can sometimes be the better route, especially when it comes to your own well-being. Thankfully, there isn't drama for me to deal with right now anyway, making it easier on my part.
But Amberleigh has once again been an uber help to my life and for that, I thank her.