Battle Butterfly
"Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” -John Jakes
1.4.12
April First
A year ago today, my grandfather died. He was the father of my father and the only grandfather I really knew (my mom's dad died before I was old enough to remember anything). But none of us could help but smile a bit at the fact that he died on April Fools Day because anyone who knew him would know that he was a prankster and a joker. They could also tell that he loved his family, his God, and his truck. When his Alzheimer's had progressed to the extent that my grandmother and my dad believed it unsafe for him to be driving it, he refused to let it go. Sure, by that point, it only had the purpose of taking him to the mall and back (which was right down the street), but he didn't want to give up the keys to that 2000, red, Chevy truck. He didn't actually hand over the keys till he'd lost half the front bumper by running into a pole.
That truck is now one of my most valued possessions. It's pretty much the biggest piece of himself that he could have handed down to me (although it's actually Jeremy's and mine, but Jeremy can't drive yet). Sure, it's a little banged up and used and outdated, but it gets me from one place to the next and, although it may sound weird, I feel safe in that truck.
The "Service Engine Soon" light came on in that truck as I pulled into church today. There's no telling what it is or why it came on, but I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't there tomorrow and I was just getting a little extra April Fool's joke.
21.8.11
Mixing it Up
I am obviously behind on the rest of my narrative about my first day of school at the high school. Between homework and laziness, it keeps getting pushed back farther and farther away. I have started it and I am continuing to work on it until I finally finish it, but in a mix of guilt for procrastinating the end of the other one, and my delay in starting this one, I'm going to dig myself into a deeper hole and give you the beginning to yet another story. I really do need to break this habit of starting and not finishing. Trust me, I am working on it. And it might be another week before I finish one or both of these, but they will get done and I will hopefully not have anything else blogger-worthy until I do so.
So, without me blabbing on any farther, here is the beginning of my next writing project. It isn't much, but I thought I might as well. It's about time I posted about the mixer anyway.
So, without me blabbing on any farther, here is the beginning of my next writing project. It isn't much, but I thought I might as well. It's about time I posted about the mixer anyway.
“ ''Excuse me, Miss, but it’s time
for me to hit the floor.'' And now this dancing has turn to falling. Words can’t
do justice, this (boy) I know.”
He found
me by the entrance as we had planned. But instead of going in, I presented him
with our notebook and we continued by taking a trip back to his car. It was a
small notebook of little to no financial value, but the value it held between
us was higher than any notebook I have ever owned. Between its two stiff covers
exist pages graced with his words, describing adventurous tales from his summer
job or simple terms of endearment; such little things of such great
significance. Back and forth, we filled the pages. Our love letters,
conveniently in one, small notebook, now safely placed in his car. In return, a
flash drive containing vast secrets on illegal projects and information that
could put important people behind bars for life.
Rewind.
As interesting as that might be, my significant other and I are definitely not
secret agents, and if he is a spy, I’m pretty sure the only one he spies on is
me... or my house...but then again, that could just be in our imaginations.
With the
flash drive – that contained pictures (I could twist this one around too... but
I suppose I’ll stick with what actually happened. Yes, disappointment, I know)
of the Regency Jr. Idol, a competition that I performed in and he photographed,
- tucked securely in my pocket, we made our way towards the entrance together,
hands locked. Yes, I was rather scared, but him being there beside me and his
hand surrounding mine gave me more than enough courage to envelope myself in
such a strange surrounding. Whether it would give me the strength to dance was
the next question. Baby-steps, one thing at a time. First things first:
entering.
We paid
to get in and had a green X placed boldly on the back of our hands as we
entered the noisy pavilion. Step one: complete.
No one
was dancing yet. It had been all summer since some of these people had seen
each other so conversations we expected to be held before almost everyone got
into the main part of a mixer: dancing, which happened to be the second step in
the process and probably the most difficult for me to reach and maintain.
Apparently, this is where I say:
To be continued
Apparently, this is where I say:
To be continued
15.8.11
Welcome to Florence
First
day of my two thousand eleven school year was completed today. My stomach turns
at the mere thought of trying to extract one word or phrase that could describe
it. I completed my day having felt an array of emotions at different times,
sometimes changing as often as the incorrectly-placed minute hands would move
on every clock in the school building. I have to resist the urge to explode and
spill everything out in a messy rant. So, I suppose we'll start from the top,
wherever I feel that should be.... why not the very beginning, from the first
time I grasped some sort of consciousness from my sleep. And I feel like
writing more than usual right now, so there's no telling how long
this is going to be.
The odd,
muffled sound of the cell phone that my brother and I share on emergencies
pulled me out of my night's rest. It was a moment before I could realize what
it was and a moment longer before I could open my own eyes. The room was still
dark. Obviously, I had beaten the sun in rising earlier. I silenced the
continuous vibrating coming from the phone, an alarm I’d set to wake me up at
this time in the morning. I put it away and quickly replaced it with my iPod,
pressing and holding the power button to turn it on. Luckily, it gave me the
screen that it needed to be charged before it would do anything. I quickly
placed it on my charger, conveniently placed beside my bed, and laid back down,
facing the ceiling. It was silent in my house. For all I knew, my mom could
still be asleep downstairs. It was understandable, though. Who else had a
reason to get up at 5:30, other than myself, obviously? I waited patiently, in
silence as my iPod slowly booted up. If there weren’t two other people
occupying my room asleep, I might have gone ahead and started my day, but I had
to remain there, quiet, stirring as little as possible, as to not wake up my
fellow cousins. I tried not to close my eyes, in fear of drifting back off into
sleep. My eyes yearned for just a little more time closed, but I had other
plans and I didn't want accidental sleep to be the reason I couldn't complete
those plans. My iPod finally loaded up and, still in a haze, I entered the
familiar password with three quick taps and opened the app I use to text as I
slowly gaining a grasp on some sort of alertness. Once it'd completely loaded,
I opened the conversation between the person behind my password and myself.
I
quickly wished him a good morning and, knowing that, if he’d followed his own
plans, he’d already be up, didn’t bother laying back down. Instead, I propped
myself up on my shoulder and patiently waited for his reply. Yes, that was my
reason for rising earlier than anyone else in my house: to get to talk to him.
I haven’t done it for anyone else and I wouldn’t. He’s the only exception.
As time
went by and 6:00 rolled nearer, I was becoming anxious to get up and start
getting ready. Last year, my mother woke my up at 6:15. Having to leave the
house earlier this year and having six more people in the house, I assumed
she’d wake me up at six. My aunt came in to wake up one of my cousins to get
ready for school and I used her as an excuse for getting up. I went and grabbed
the shirt I had decided to wear and the pants I had already retrieved the night
before and quickly went and changed in the bathroom. Afterwards, I returned to
my room to text him back before I went out to eat breakfast. My mom, not
realizing I was already up and at it, walked back to my room, poking her head
in. She found me fully dressed, standing beside my bed, tapping away at my
iPod. I smiled and wished her a good morning. She returned it and began to turn
away. Not getting more than three steps from my room, she turned back around and poked
her head in again. Finishing my text, I put it down as she said, "Are you
texting?"
“Yes?"
I replied.
"Are
you texting someone this early in the morning?”
"Yes,"
I repeated, walking past her and out of my room. I almost mentioned who and the
fact that’d he'd been up since 5:15 cause he had to go to the store, but the
tone of her voice, especially the second time, cautioned me not to.
"Noo!" she said, surprisingly sternly as if I was a three year old
who had touched something that could be easily broken. It was weird. I gave her
a vague, "okay," but of course, that didn't stop me. I don’t know what
her fuss was about. It was six and I was fully dressed. That never happens. It
wasn’t like I was behind schedule; I was far ahead.
I went
out into the kitchen to indulge myself in (drum roll)... a bowl of cereal. No
more wonderful, first-day-of-school breakfasts like we used to have before I
got into ninth grade. I don’t blame her for this one, though. Who wants to make
scrambled eggs and bacon for five kids? Well, the real question is: ‘who wants
to get up that early and prepare that much?’ Even if she had, I probably wouldn’t
have eaten very much of it. I was not used to eating that early and I had the
feeling I was going to be rather hungry before lunchtime rolled around....
Finishing
my preparation for school didn’t take much longer than that. If it wasn’t for
my sluggish brother, I could have been out of the door by seven, but Jeremy
delayed us till ten after. It’s his fault if there is a bunch of traffic by the
time she drops me off first because he didn’t prepare himself fast enough. But
I got to school in plenty of time, nonetheless.
I suppose this will be another 'to be continued' post. My eyes hurt from staring at the screen and it's fairly late. So...
To be continued.
12.8.11
Final Friday
Originally,
I was going to go straight into talking about how rather excited I am about
school starting, but that was before I decided to attend something before
then. So, I thought I might as well go in order.
So
where am I going before Monday that deserves to be written about?
This
little bluebird is attending a mixer: something I never thought I would ever
say.
A
mixer is a party that the sororities at our school host that mixes all the
grades together. It’s like a huge dance party. And I’ve been terrified of them
ever since I'd heard of them. Why? Because I have heard of bad things happening
at mixers but I didn’t know what was true and what were rumors. I suppose
I was just afraid of the unknown. Until Monday of this week, I have been scared
to go to one, but Latosha finally convinced me to go to the start-of-school one
today. I let in on one condition: Davis’s attendance. I don’t dance
on/with people for no reason and I don’t dance ‘on’ people in general. I really
do have a level of modesty. I’m not up tight but I have standards and things
that I won’t do or won’t associate myself with people that do. I told her that
I won’t be attending any more after
one of them goes terribly wrong or becomes ridiculously inappropriate. It starts in about thirty minutes, but
I felt I needed to go ahead and get this in here before hand. Of course, I’ll
probably have something to write about it afterwards.
It’s
weird not having anything to say about drama. It’s nice at the same time, too.
But, it means there will probably be less writing from me. Maybe, maybe not. Depends on school which I'll have to talk about later, seeing as I need to exit the house soon.
Gonna
go party.
Oh
goodness..
5.8.11
Third. Second. First Fridays
My summer literally consists of:
Babysitting
A small vacation
and
First Fridays
So which of these is my favorite? First Fridays, hands down! It's the only time I get to see my friends most of the summer because of my job. Don't get me wrong, camilla-sitting is a blast, but I live for my friends and my life wouldn't be as insane if they didn't exist.
First Fridays is a function that they have downtown all the way down Court street that happens the first friday of every month. Vendors line the blocked off street selling home-made items from bread (The ginger, bread man) to jewelry, to sock monkeys. Music is provided by local bands and artists on Mobile St.
So, my ridiculous friends and I always meet at the same place at the same time every first friday and begin our adventure, idly wandering the streets, conversing and trying to keep up with everyone. Where to first? Well, we've pretty much made it tradition to go to Freds. Random, right? of course! But we have too much fun! I'm surprised we haven't gotten kicked out yet. It's always something new because every time we go, there will be a person there that wasn't there the last time or someone not there that was the last time.
Davis is being an Asian spy while Caitlin and I are hiding in the tissue isle... literally. |
"Get your camera ready and get her reaction" -Davis |
I think he could pull that off, don't you? |
Skipping down the isles |
Latosha's showing off. |
Epic. Noodle. War. Enough said. |
It was July first! We were in a patriotic mood. What's more patriotic than a parade? |
Adrienne bought pudding. Lizzy bought straws. Why not? |
So after we complete our adventure in the great store of Freds, where do we venture to? Why not Wilson park? It isn't a part of First fridays, but it's semi-empty and it's much easier to keep up with our group where there are less people.
Sibling power! |
Red ringpop. Blue ringpop. We are purple. |
Ask Caitlin, we are master hoola-hoop partners. |
When it comes down to it, we really don't pay too much attention to what al goes on at first fridays. It's pretty much just our excuse to go hang out downtown together. We're awesome like that.
So why have I just now thought of sharing this wonderful event? Because today is Friday, the first one in August. This First Friday will be the last one before school starts and I'm completely excited about the beginning of school. I absolutely love my schedule and my friends that fall into that schedule. The only way it could be more perfect is if Davis shared a class with me, but him being in the grade above me makes that rather difficult to obtain. But that's what the five minutes in between class periods are for, duuhh! Yes, I'm excited. Probably more than I should be, but I'm looking forward to our annual musical and show choir and sharing a musical theatre class with some people I adore (that are in my grade this year!) Looks like it's going to be a fantastic sophomore year.
7.7.11
I Love the way You Hold me. In Your Arms I'll Always Be.
Why do I get so behind? I think I've come to the conclusion that I keep up with posts when there is drama going on. I find this ridiculous. Why would I do that? I know I'd like to hear more about the good times than the obnoxious crappy times. So here I go. With what? With a summary (at least the beginning of it) of what's happened since... March? Geeeez.
Okay.
Honestly, I don't want to go back that far.... It'd be the longest post in the history of my blog, which I don't plan on breaking right now. That and the fact that it seems like so long ago. I like seeing the now... a lot more recently than usual, but we'll get there.
So. Last post about my history was Happy Times. And those were happy times, but by March, they rapidly went down hill. Long story short: I didn't receive my hug every day. Shoot, I went weeks in between each. He talked to me a lot less. What did he blame it on? Show choir, of course. But it was just me he couldn't make time for. He had plenty of time to hang out with the girlfriend I found out he had two days after he gained it, through facebook, too. It's almost amusing to think of what might have happened if I didn't find out... hmmm. Anyway.
This is terribly written. I'm out of it. Oh well. Continuing, anyway.
If anyone remembers me mentioning the guy I'm about to talk about next, kudos to you. You obviously have some kind of unrealistic memory seeing as the first and only time I have mentioned him in this blog was about a month after I started talking to him, which was over a year ago. The More the Merrier, Correct? is the name of the post and it only includes me premièring some of my friends' blogs on mine. When I had posted it, he was still working on making it. He did end up posting, but it was only once and it hasn't changed since (so he should go fix that!).
Anyway, the guy I'm referring to is Davis (aka Duhduhduhdavis). That is who that rather long poem is to. Do I expect you to understand everything in there? Not a chance. Knowing each other for a year has lead to some interesting conversations and we have our references. But that poem is our story, pretty much. I stayed up all night writing that poem. (Of course there was another reason to me staying up, but if I tried to explain every reason to every action, I could make a series.)
He was my go-to friend. We each had our turns of one listening while the other let it out. "Keeping my head on straight no matter what had been"
We lost contact around the time school started, but regained it before Thanksgiving break, only to enjoy a Thanksgiving break full of RPing. We're insane together. Lucifer and Aiden would have had many adventures if it hadn't have died.
Sadly, soon after, we lost contact again, but we restarted around the last month or so(?) of school, each of us having some personal difficulties. But we haven't lost contact since. We gained a 'label' after I sent him that poem the first day of summer. Needless to say, it's been one of the best summers yet. He's my blue and I'm his red. "You can't make purple if red doesn't have blue"
"Thank you for making my life the way it is now
If we try, I’m sure we can keep it up somehow
Cause I’m sure we both know I’m completely addicted
And I’d break down and die if you were evicted."
Okay.
Honestly, I don't want to go back that far.... It'd be the longest post in the history of my blog, which I don't plan on breaking right now. That and the fact that it seems like so long ago. I like seeing the now... a lot more recently than usual, but we'll get there.
So. Last post about my history was Happy Times. And those were happy times, but by March, they rapidly went down hill. Long story short: I didn't receive my hug every day. Shoot, I went weeks in between each. He talked to me a lot less. What did he blame it on? Show choir, of course. But it was just me he couldn't make time for. He had plenty of time to hang out with the girlfriend I found out he had two days after he gained it, through facebook, too. It's almost amusing to think of what might have happened if I didn't find out... hmmm. Anyway.
This is terribly written. I'm out of it. Oh well. Continuing, anyway.
If anyone remembers me mentioning the guy I'm about to talk about next, kudos to you. You obviously have some kind of unrealistic memory seeing as the first and only time I have mentioned him in this blog was about a month after I started talking to him, which was over a year ago. The More the Merrier, Correct? is the name of the post and it only includes me premièring some of my friends' blogs on mine. When I had posted it, he was still working on making it. He did end up posting, but it was only once and it hasn't changed since (so he should go fix that!).
Anyway, the guy I'm referring to is Davis (aka Duhduhduhdavis). That is who that rather long poem is to. Do I expect you to understand everything in there? Not a chance. Knowing each other for a year has lead to some interesting conversations and we have our references. But that poem is our story, pretty much. I stayed up all night writing that poem. (Of course there was another reason to me staying up, but if I tried to explain every reason to every action, I could make a series.)
He was my go-to friend. We each had our turns of one listening while the other let it out. "Keeping my head on straight no matter what had been"
We lost contact around the time school started, but regained it before Thanksgiving break, only to enjoy a Thanksgiving break full of RPing. We're insane together. Lucifer and Aiden would have had many adventures if it hadn't have died.
Sadly, soon after, we lost contact again, but we restarted around the last month or so(?) of school, each of us having some personal difficulties. But we haven't lost contact since. We gained a 'label' after I sent him that poem the first day of summer. Needless to say, it's been one of the best summers yet. He's my blue and I'm his red. "You can't make purple if red doesn't have blue"
"Thank you for making my life the way it is now
If we try, I’m sure we can keep it up somehow
Cause I’m sure we both know I’m completely addicted
And I’d break down and die if you were evicted."
23.6.11
I'm a Vampire
I know I'm in need for a gigantic update once again, but I don't have the time nor energy as of right now. Your update will come, that much I can promise, but to give you a... teaser, I suppose, might be appreciated. So with no hints, clues, or background info, here is your teaser.
I know that we don’t have a label quite yet
But there’s something between us, that much I can bet
The way your smile can trigger mine in return
The way your feelings have always been a concern
It was friendship at first, at the very start
Little did I know then, you’d be gaining my heart
We’d talk for hours, with only a photograph
‘Cause we’d only seen each other like one time and a half
You were important to my well-being, even then
Keeping my head on straight no matter what had been
You gave me opinions when I couldn’t form my own
You comforted me, kept me from being alone
Then summer faded and school time began
Our lack of communication got way out of hand
It’d pick up for a moment, but it wasn’t the same
I didn’t know my twin, and school was to blame
Thanksgiving rolled around, and didn’t we take charge?
Late nights RPing were taken at large
Reconnected a tad, but still not complete
Hearing little from each in the months with no heat.
My life was okay, but something was missing
I had plenty of chores to act, dance and sing
Still I was missing the guy that got me through a lot
Missing the friendship no amount of money could have bought
So contact we gained and from there it went forth
Starting up our friendship of endless, endless worth
Sure, it started out slowly, but soon it was habit
I realized then how well I had it
Through wall posts, skype, texts and all
We’d talk late at night till sleeping would call
But even then, I’d go to bed happy
‘Cause feelings were growing, but not only for me
Still then I wasn’t sure
I hadn’t forgotten him; nor you, her
But after the first Friday spent down town
A new priority, I’d officially found
Our school summaries had the idea included
Without telling the other, we really had clued it
But technology proved to be a lousy alliance
And our nights depended on the faulty appliance
Maybe it just wanted to give us our base
But that’s not an idea I’d like to embrace
Late nights are something we’ve always shared together
And I guess we’d assumed it would last our forever
But even in my nights spent all alone
It’s nice to know, sometime that day I’d flown
Because you lift me up, above cloud nine
And give me these feelings I can’t define
You can fall and know I would catch you
‘Cause there is no purple if red doesn’t have blue
Thank you for making my life the way it is now
If we try, I’m sure we can keep it up somehow
Cause I’m sure we both know I’m completely addicted
And I’d break down and die if you were evicted.
I know that we don’t have a label quite yet
But there’s something between us, that much I can bet
The way your smile can trigger mine in return
The way your feelings have always been a concern
It was friendship at first, at the very start
Little did I know then, you’d be gaining my heart
We’d talk for hours, with only a photograph
‘Cause we’d only seen each other like one time and a half
You were important to my well-being, even then
Keeping my head on straight no matter what had been
You gave me opinions when I couldn’t form my own
You comforted me, kept me from being alone
Then summer faded and school time began
Our lack of communication got way out of hand
It’d pick up for a moment, but it wasn’t the same
I didn’t know my twin, and school was to blame
Thanksgiving rolled around, and didn’t we take charge?
Late nights RPing were taken at large
Reconnected a tad, but still not complete
Hearing little from each in the months with no heat.
My life was okay, but something was missing
I had plenty of chores to act, dance and sing
Still I was missing the guy that got me through a lot
Missing the friendship no amount of money could have bought
So contact we gained and from there it went forth
Starting up our friendship of endless, endless worth
Sure, it started out slowly, but soon it was habit
I realized then how well I had it
Through wall posts, skype, texts and all
We’d talk late at night till sleeping would call
But even then, I’d go to bed happy
‘Cause feelings were growing, but not only for me
Still then I wasn’t sure
I hadn’t forgotten him; nor you, her
But after the first Friday spent down town
A new priority, I’d officially found
Our school summaries had the idea included
Without telling the other, we really had clued it
But technology proved to be a lousy alliance
And our nights depended on the faulty appliance
Maybe it just wanted to give us our base
But that’s not an idea I’d like to embrace
Late nights are something we’ve always shared together
And I guess we’d assumed it would last our forever
But even in my nights spent all alone
It’s nice to know, sometime that day I’d flown
Because you lift me up, above cloud nine
And give me these feelings I can’t define
You can fall and know I would catch you
‘Cause there is no purple if red doesn’t have blue
Thank you for making my life the way it is now
If we try, I’m sure we can keep it up somehow
Cause I’m sure we both know I’m completely addicted
And I’d break down and die if you were evicted.
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